Just to give you a short history, my two brothers and I spent summers living with our dad. When he picked us up at the airport one summer, he told us that he had plenty of booze in the house including a keg on tap, pot - home grown, cases of cigarettes (he owned cigarette machines) and for us to help ourselves. When we arrived at his house, we found all that and more. Dad had stacks of porn mags of all kinds, a large dresser filled with porn books like "women and thier dogs." 8 mm films and projector. Every word song and joke out of his mouth was lewd and lustful. To our surprise, he also had a new live in girlfriend. We were in 3rd, 5th and 6th grade. Every year through highschool this was the situation, including two attempts on the part of my dad to sexually assault me.
Now everyone involved is older. My dad and his girlfriend have moved to our city of residence. Though they no longer live together, they are together all the time. Both of them are materially sucessful. I would say millionaires. Hers by inheritance, dad's by hard work. Every Sunday after church, they meet with my Aunt and Uncle to tell them the latest gossip about my brothers and I. My dad and his girlfriend are very disappointed that we are such losers in life - work and relationships. My Uncle makes my brother answer to the gossip. This very brother was sexually assaulted by a hooker at the place of my dad's work under my dad's very eyes when my brother was in 5th grade. It scarred him for life.
I wanted to write my Aunt and Uncle and blast my dad's girlfriend. She never put a stop to this form of incest which we lived with. I felt she was his accomplice. I condemned her to my brothers.
Then I had a dream Monday. I was helping my dad's girlfriend plant a tree. She had s small strip of land that was not really suitable as it was rather rocky soil. The tree looked like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree. I cheerfully dug the hole for her. As we chatted, I became aware that she was in severe bondage to my dad. She was caught like a fly on a web unable to free herself. She wants to be more life giving, but dad only allows her the little she does. It was very clear to me that she is weak.
Suddenly dad arrived on the scene. His presence was disturbing. He came upon us like a thief. I said hello to him to be civil. He did not respond. His character was dark. His mind was only on his money which is why he did not respond to my greeting. He had a dirt smudge on his forehead, but did not wash it off because he did not want to spend the money on the amount of water it would have cost to wash his forehead clean. He was in severe bondage of a miserly spirit.
When I woke up, I had a change of heart towards her. I stopped seeing her as an accomplice to csa but as a type of a victim herself. I had no idea a person could be in bondage to another. Maybe this is what is meant by co-dependent relationships. So of course, I did not write my relatives a resoundingly thumping letter. I feel like I was spared inadvertently doing more damage. That would have been the last thing any of us needed to be sure.
p.s. I'm taking off to Europe for a couple weeks, so I won't be able to respond to posts after today, Friday.