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#440098 - 07/05/13 01:04 AM Re: question [Re: newground]
lostcowboy Offline

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Hi Jeff, I haven't been on the site for about a year, so I haven't seen any of your other posts.

I too when I first came here wanted to be honest. I don't think it is about being dishonest, rather it is about shame, shame is the main thing that keeps us from speaking, that and fear. Fear that even though everyone on this site has had something bad happen to them. When you read my story you will be disgusted with me and will reject me. That's what is likely holding you back.

Right now I have a new story to write and I am afraid everyone will think I am a fool, but I have been a fool so, so be it.
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

#440131 - 07/05/13 01:27 PM Re: question [Re: newground]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4097
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Jeff -

i asked a counselor recently what should i say to people who ask questions about my past. i don;t want to lie, but i don't want to go into all the gory details with everyone. he said - imagine a target with concentric circles of increasingly larger diameters. the smallest circle - or bullseye represents the inner circle of the very few who i can tell EVERYTHING to - my T, my wife, my few best friends. the next circle includes those friends who i can safely tell more details to - but not all the intimate feelings and dark secrets. the next one i can tell a few facts to but in a very general way - nothing too personal. the outer area is those who don't need to know much at all. something like - i had a tough time as a kid - and don't like to talk about it. he had me think through what i would say too people in each category - and figure out in advance which are the people i know fit into. once in a while, i'll move someone further into the center - like what Todd said about the planets - but i consider it seriously and rarely act on impulse.

the beauty of this plan is it gives me control over who knows what. no one else should be able to tell you what position anyone should fall into. i have some family members in the outermost circle - because they are not trustworthy. you have the right to set your own boundaries and guard the information you give out. no apologies needed.

"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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