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#435789 - 05/25/13 09:30 PM Re: Why do i get severe anxiety around lil kids????? [Re: Poorsoft]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
When I "remembered" the abuse of my youth, the PTSD reactions became much worse. I'm not sure why that was. I had some very strong reactions to guys who seemed to physically resemble the abuser. These were the reactions a kid might have if he was confronted by his abuser: Anger, recoil, frustration, tears. But there I was, mature and in a professional situation. By the way, my abuser looked and acted like that chef on TV who now has his own cooking program.

The first part of this post is now finished. I've added the 2nd part as a separate post in a reply.

My T gave me some wise advice on this one. It seems pretty simple in retrospect, but it worked. He asked, "When you get this reaction, are you able at all to see that it's not really happening? It's going on in my head?" Yes. So when this reaction starts, just remind myself (mentally) that it's not really going on right now. It's just a memory from the past. So, that did it. I did what he told me to do and the reaction was extinguished in a few days.

Edited by pufferfish (05/29/13 05:01 PM)

#436068 - 05/28/13 04:14 PM Re: Why do i get severe anxiety around lil kids????? [Re: forgive777]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington
You are so, not alone on this one.

I believe we have different parts of our "selfs" that make up our psyche, and what we are experiencing for lack of a better word is "trauma transference". this is where we are in conflict with our child versus our adult selves and how we try to relate and separate these two realities...

What I am trying to say is, when we experience trauma on these levels this "interior" reality has a way of invading our "outer reality".

I will admit that it is a continuing process of trying to differentiate those parts of me/us...???, that remain somewhat broken. It is here where I try to imagine how someone might react that has had a more normal childhood/upbringing.

It is also here that, where I try and ground myself in my "outer" reality and try to embrace my "Protector."

We must congratulate ourselves in protecting future "innocents" (children)...and remind ourselves that we are braking a cycle in "this" reality.

Carry on my Wayward Son (Kansas)


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#436211 - 05/29/13 06:15 PM Re: Why do i get severe anxiety around lil kids????? [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
This is the 2nd part of my post, in answer to why I get severe anxiety around lil kids? It's actually how I treated this response in myself.

My first answer solidified in my mind that I was having PTSD reactions. So when I had anxiety around kids, perhaps that was also a PTSD response.

How do you treat a strong PTSD response?

I was watching the TV news and saw that a professor at Emory University was working with GI's returning from the battlefield in Iraq. Some of them had severe PTSD. The one they used for an example had been riding in a vehicle on a dusty road. A mine exploded in front of them, killing some of his buddies and destroying the vehicle he was riding in. The PTSD part was that his mind kept reliving that trauma over and over and over and over again with the emotions of trauma. His treatment was that they showed him again and again short movies of of the vehicle he was in moving along that road, but they modified it so that he wasn't confronted with the entire scene at first.

My treatment for myself worked. It was inspired by what I just described.

I was kidnapped and experienced some brutal treatment. So I found some movies that showed boys responding to a situation of captivity and/or trauma. I watched them over and over and over again, allowing myself to experience the emotional response to the movie. Sometime I experienced tears and grief. It was important to go ahead and let that emotion flow. Then my reaction was decreasing over time. I needed to "identify" with a boy in a desperate situation for my healing to take place.

Different guys need different films, depending on the nature of their experience. The films Smooth Skin and Jet Boy didn't provoke me emotionally because I had not been in those kinds of situations very much. But I know these are the films which helped some guys the most.

The films which provoked a PTSD response in me and which could therefore be used to treat my own PTSD response were:

Ransom (Mel Gibson and Brawley Nolte(as boy)). The boy was kidnapped and tied to a bed. That really grabbed my attention.

I Am David - Boy escapes from a gulag (prison camp) and finds kind people. This is a great story based on a book.

I'm Not Scared (Italian)
The point is that when you're watching the movie your identity has to get involved (even mixed up) with the boy in the picture

Flight of the Innocent (Italian)
A boy is kidnapped. Another boy is pursued by the perpetrator; he is clever and escapes a bunch of times

Where Eskimos Live. About some street children, one of whom is chosen by a perpetrator- type of guy to be sold for ... The setting is in Bosnia. The boy is Vlado. This movie has some really intriguing scenes and even some really funny situations. I recommend it. It has a few really nasty scenes too.


Edited by pufferfish (05/29/13 06:41 PM)

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