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#436581 - 06/02/13 05:52 PM Re: Was I in love with my dad? [Re: bodyguard8367]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
OK guys, the Memorial thread is now working. I would encourage each of you to either transfer your comments to that thread or add new posts to that thread.

Many of you have probably had some conversations with him that you wouldn't mind posting. We want to enrich this thread.


#438148 - 06/14/13 09:32 AM Re: Was I in love with my dad? [Re: Life's A Dream]
random Offline

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 1
It won't let me post in the thread...I knew Bryan from elsewhere, only found out he died more recently.
I've been talking to him since 2010...he'd just sort of randomly pop up and email me. I was the first person he met who'd repressed everything at one point. He was funny, sweet, and very smart...I cared about him quite a bit.

I never got to meet him in person like I wanted to.
He was a good guy, a good friend. I'll miss him.

#474150 - 12/29/14 02:41 AM Re: Was I in love with my dad? [Re: pufferfish]
woodenshoes Offline

Registered: 06/04/14
Posts: 571
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
LAD, Well, I hope you fell asleep and that you are now resting.

I think you experienced abuse as a baby before you can consciously remember it. Hence the diaper thing. When I told my therapist I thought I was abused at a very young age, he used a technique called Deep Relaxation. It wasn't painful. The first thing I remembered was being a very small boy and rolling on the floor with a puppy. I had the warm feelings of a warm puppy. Nice.

But yes, your father's family is really f--k-d up. You may have multiple abusers. They are playing cat-and-mouse with you. They are using your confusion to prolong your misery. They don't have a healthy sense of boundaries. Their boundaries between sick behavior and healthy behavior are very blurred. In this way you have also acquired (learned) these unhealthy barriers. Barriers are in the mind.

When I was in church yesterday, there was a perfectly normal man who sings great music for us. He has a little boy about 6 who follows him around admiringly like a puppy dog. He follows him wherever he goes. It is not unhealthy. There is nothing going on. It is normal for a boy like that to imprint on his father. That's how the boy learns who and what he is. But in a situation where the little boy follows the dad admiringly, if the dad is less than completely honorable, it would be very easy to take advantage of the boy in a wrong way. Then, the boy would hide that in his mind in a way he didn't have to be aware of the pain he experienced.

That's what happened to me. My father was working very long hours in the military. The neighbor offered to take care of me Saturday-overnight-Sunday so the mother could get a break. The man took advantage of that situation and did stuff that he should not have done. There were some other little boys running around in the neighborhood and so he used the situation to take pictures......and abuse.... I didn't learn from the proper role models of who and what I was supposed to be. That set me up for a lot of trouble. It gave me a lot of unhealthy emotions which would take me years to deal with.


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