Welcome to an amazing place for healing. I can totally identify with what you are saying, as I was also the victim of some pretty sadistic monsters from the age of 8-10. Kudos for taking the first step and coming out of the shadows. There are so many helpful guys on this site. While we don't all share the same story, our abuse has affected us in many of the same ways, so there is always someone who can relate and understand. Just reaching out that first time is the hard part. Just take it at your own pace, with no pressure to do anything. You'll find what you need and what you are ready for.
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."