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#433231 - 05/02/13 12:27 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4165
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
this thread is utterly and absolutely amazing to me - not because i can relate to any of it - but because all of you "life-of-the-party" type dudes were the ones i always envied and admired and thought had it all. i was the exact opposite - complete introvert, socially awkward and isolated and didn't have a clue how to get what you all seemed to possess. i'd have been the silent lurker in the corner - worshipping you from afar!

i just hope you all don't change so much that you lose that spark of being able to connect with people. i still see that as a positive attribute and a gift.

i guess even in our differences we are more alike than we know.


Edited by traveler (05/02/13 12:28 AM)
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#433232 - 05/02/13 01:04 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Husky- count me in as being one who just has a laughing spirit. I couldn't tell a joke or get to its punch line if I had to, but in a conversational tone, I can make you laugh all friggin day long. It comes naturally. It is my personality. I dont think anyone would call me bubbly, but I am really funny.

Will I change, no. I have been this way since I can remember. And I think it has "marked" me for abusers. Who doesn't want to be with someone who seldom sees the negative in life. Even predator guys like the positive spirit .... know what I mean? Told the former T last week, "I'm done with trying to change my personality"... just much too old and although I struggle with issues of abuse, I finally realize I am a good guy. A very fuckin' good guy. Just a bit messed up, thats all. Gals and guys want to dream about me... have at it... just don't tell me.

As far as being the people pleaser- Over the past year, I have really distanced myself from some of these situations... I not only "want to be more selfish" but as Jude said, "being selfish is entirely in order".

Today, I know who I am... even with the wounded spirit, I know who I am. And I hope you don't exchange your bubbly spirit for anyone. Life is a lot lighter, much more fun when you look for the smile. The heavy, reserved personality is literally a heavy, reserved way to live. And I think your bubbles will probably win out, because that seems to be who you are.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#433257 - 05/02/13 07:50 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: Back in the United States

Edited by wearytraveler (11/10/13 06:59 AM)

#433259 - 05/02/13 08:14 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I identify with this too.

I have always lived a double life - it was part of keeping up appearances. Hiding the secrets. Outwardly I was this golden haired, well behaved, happy, talented, intelligent boy. That was the 'fake' me. In nearly all my childhood pictures that is how I look - I was a good actor. The real me was an empty shell - dark and emotionless.

Publicly, as a teen, I was the 'good christian' poster boy who knew all the right things to say and do. I was a real people pleaser too - that was my role in life to make others happy. It was my facade. Privately I was a low down dirty sinner - who was being used sexually to make others happy - because afterall that was my true purpose in life.

This 'fake' personality continued into adulthood and helped me gain success in many areas. I have reinvented myself over and over again. I am whoever you want me to be.

The thing I have come to question is which one is the real me. I realised that what I thought was a fake facade to allow me to cope in the real world is actually me too. Maybe the me I would have been. We are complicated little carbon based life forms. Survivors more than any other people have such a huge depth of character/personality. We need to embrace All of our personality traits and bring them out as the situation requires.

I am finally feeling Jude's comment too.
Being selfish is entirely in order if it means taking care of yourself and not always putting other people's needs ahead of yourself and your recovery.

I have lived my life according to others expectations of me and now I think I want to do what I want to do. It is Me time.

More than meets the eye!

#433260 - 05/02/13 08:17 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766

Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 06:09 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

#433264 - 05/02/13 09:25 AM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4165
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
On a side note, what you said Eric, about the bubbly personality attracting sociopaths - makes me cringe to know you've gone through the same thing, it's so destructive, and brushing sides with them often borders on annihilation of our individuality.

just to bring a balance to this - don't feel bad by thinking that you have "attracted" abuse because of your personality. it isn't necessarily true. the perpetrators are hunting for whatever victims they can get.

those of us who are introverts were also easy targets because we tend to be passive and quiet and easily intimidated and over-whelmed. i know this is true - and so many abused children turn out that way even if they weren't to begin with - and then become re-abused again and again because they are easy pickings. i am not trying to divert the topic to my own issues - but to say -


"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#433393 - 05/03/13 12:55 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
husky, thank you for the post. i'd have thought you took a look into my life and wrote in on a post.

thank you for your thoughts on your personality. I've observed we're all just trying to figure things out and I appreciate it.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#433407 - 05/03/13 02:45 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:55 PM)

#433411 - 05/03/13 05:01 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6376
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
as are we all, geoff.

that is something we share with almost all humans.

very very very few people are truly genuine.
and that may be a myth.

i have never met one.

they may not even exist.

the impulse to improve gives us an impossible task to give us purpose in life.


#433413 - 05/03/13 05:14 PM Re: Fake Personality *Few Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2681
Dang, Geoff - my fantasy of escape never reached the reality yours managed to achieve. My attempts at growing big and strong like Foghorn Leghorn never got past Tweety Bird.

Little Eirik was likely very correct in realizing that if I could grow out of that slender mold, I probably would not have appealed to him. Character was a part of it but I am convinced it was really the whole package.

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