I recently started keeping a journal. It is a big deal for me because I am so afraid that people will find out that I was sexually abused as a kid and again when I was in the military. They say that theres some therapy in writing, it suppose to help put things into perspective. That said, I have put to paper details that I've never articulated and have come to a stark awareness.
I've done the counseling, the cognitive therapy, the talking, the crying, the anger, the fear, the wonderment. I am tired, don't want to do this any more, I wanna forget, I want to have a normal relationship with my wife, I wanna be a different person. I wanna see myself as a man. But, like knowing bitter from the sweet, I can't. I feel cornered. I hope you guys have better success. I don't know why I'm writing this, but it's done. P.S. I promised my wife I wouldn't do anything stupid, so I'm not gonna. I am so tired.
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.