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#432679 - 04/28/13 02:41 AM Re: Complex PTSD [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I talked about this with my T several years ago. He said it was depersonalization disorder. I have a lot of symptoms of dissociative disorder. My loss of speech must have been a conversion disorder.

I have had a lot of the symptoms discussed in the Wikipedia article on Complex post-traumatic stress disorder:

I have a strong sense of loss of self and who I am (Think about it?) I used to look in a mirror and see a child. Hence, when I would watch the movies in the above list, they were about me (crazy? sick ) and or at least about what I went through. This is especially true of the movie Empire of The Sun. The book that movie was based on was written by a survivor of Japanese prisoner of war camp, as is the movie. It's an excellent movie. Yes and watching things like this helps me figure out who I am. Crazy?

I'm not a clinician and I find that the various books and articles I have available seem to disagree with each other as to these matters.


Edited by pufferfish (04/28/13 02:46 AM)

#433739 - 05/06/13 02:35 PM Re: " [Re: hapati]
RN Offline

Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Northeast
C-PTSD is alive and well.

You're not alone (if it's you).

Had indifferent parents, was attacked by a wild animal, spent a career in the military and took on the guilt of people getting killed...and then realized (became aware) that I was sexually abused...which led to recreation of that abuse. My point here is not to cause sympathy but to say that people sometimes have tough challenges in their lives.

Get help in whatever form it comes. That help for me included a great relationship, two psychologists at the same time, and the right combination of meds. Keep looking for the tools that are right for YOU.

very best, RN

Edited by RN (05/06/13 02:37 PM)

#433798 - 05/06/13 09:38 PM Re: " [Re: hapati]
David Mac Offline

Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
I wish there was a way to just recover all the memories all at once and be done with it. I was incested by my dad and sold to a child porn ring at age 5.5. I totally dissociated except for a few very odd memories in my youth. I was 49 when the memories began to slowly and painfully emurge. They come in dream state or after just waking up. Only a few memories occurred when I was fully awake.

I wonder if I will suffer PTSD as long as the memories trickel in? Do the two have to go together?

When a memory arises I feel all the emotions of the moment such as filial love, anxiety, self-loathing or guilt. I then typically feel nothing for a week and then the rage and resentment begins. Once I resolve that, the sudden bouts of grief, tearful if I am alone.

But I find I can overdo the moment if I contemplate it too long. I'm realizing there are unhealthy ways of my contemplating what has recently come to my awareness. If I contemplate in a way that is harmful to me, my guts begin to kill me with severe pain in my sides.

Somehow I have to address the memories quickly and well.

I found a therapist. He only has a masters and is not a specialist. I told him that he is the one I will sound off on when I am angry. He agreed to the role. In the meantime I wait until the next memory. They usually come within 3-6 months of sobriety. Right now I am in my second month.

Anybody else going through dissociation and PTSD like this?

Does hypnosis work in recoveryof dissociated memories? I am not too hot on the idea.


#433819 - 05/07/13 12:41 AM Re: " [Re: hapati]
David Mac Offline

Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Very interesting. Thank you


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