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#431720 - 04/19/13 04:46 AM Closure isn't possible here
Justnotright Offline

Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 19
Loc: Mid-Michigan
So, we were driving down the road today. My husband was driving and i was playing with the GPS. just to see where i might find a particular bank. unsuccessful - no big deal.

but then i started looking at the Favorites list. saw that i had added a location for where i lived when i was married to a woman and we had kids. the kids are all grown now and moved away, but i still have the address labeled - Kids house in Atlanta.

i mused on that for awhile and realized i was still considering that my home, although i've not lived there in 12 years. i have a new home and a new life. but in the wake of dealing with being a male survivor, i contemplate life differently now.

it made me sad to realize that i still do not have closure on what all happened during the divorce and having to be away from my children as they grew up (my ex used the kids against me in so many ways).

it has surfaced in my conscience that i have a new issue to face. well, an old one at this point. but a new topic. deep sigh.

i'll find a way to make peace with that part of my past, it will just take time.

it might also take a change of different sorts here in this life with my husband. and i'm 100% certain a conversation with him about this will transpire. just not sure when.

i want to have the conversation - but also have some options thought out that can help bring closure and help him feel secure about us - even with me having to deal with additional aspects of my past.

i'm also 100% certain that it is because i have Kevin in my life, caring so deeply for my every need, that i'm learning to find safety in digging into the unresolved issues.

i am a lucky man indeed, despite what life looks like in the rear-view mirror.
If you can't take a joke, you need a nap. Me.

#431755 - 04/19/13 04:08 PM Re: Closure isn't possible here [Re: Justnotright]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 699
Loc: where the shadows lie
Closure . . . that can be elusive.

I think you are on the right path knowing you have to talk to your husband. And I think you are right on realizing that you can't talk about it in a vacuum, it does relate to other aspects of your past.

When things transition from temporary to permanent in your head, even a truly good thing, it can leads to some shake ups and some stress. Remember that a little stress doesn't always mean something is wrong. Sometimes things are just moving around in your head. Stay safe and remember you deserve to be heard.
Nothing there. It subsumed me. Black hole in time and space.

And yet.

It seemed like what I was made for.

to be used.

most natural thing in the world.

#431769 - 04/19/13 06:07 PM Re: Closure isn't possible here [Re: Justnotright]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:00 AM)

#434296 - 05/10/13 11:51 PM Re: Closure isn't possible here [Re: Justnotright]
Justnotright Offline

Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 19
Loc: Mid-Michigan
thanks for the advice on the kids. i've been reaching out to them over the years. a large part of their issues are what keep a distance between us. their mother filled their heads with all kinds of lies and half truths to make herself to be the hero, victim, etc. it damaged hopes of heathly relating with my kids.

i'm not worried about it too much. my heart greeves from time to time - that, i beleieve is normal. i'm allowing each of my children the time they need to realize they need me as much as i need them. i continue to reach out - to let them know the door is open. when they're ready - how ever long it takes - i'll be here.

i can't make them - they're adults. they have to decide on their own that input and quality from dad is needed.

even in the future, i know it won't be easy for either of us. but at least there is hope that one day - we'll have a better relationship.
If you can't take a joke, you need a nap. Me.


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