welcome to our community. hope you'll find what you seek here. i certainly have.
i can sort of understand your conflicted relationship with your mother. my family looked more like a "normal" middle-class "nice" family to an outside observer - but the step-dad was abusive to me. i was the price mom paid to her husband for the comfortable life and security she enjoyed in exchange for not interfering. she is still alive but i considered that i had lost her for good when i realized at age 11 that she would always side with him and never be there for me.
your mother was right about one thing - that "the human body, soul, and spirit can bear so much and keep going. The strongest survive no matter." you are proof of that. well done for making it this far - not without scars, obviously. but your life can get better. keep working at it. participate here like you are doing. if you are not already doing it and can manage it, therapy is often a big help. often, colleges have that kind of services for students. you may want to check that out.
good to have you with us,
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....