No, I understand. Logically, I even knew that's probably not what you mean when I read it. But, when you are so sacred of something I guess emotions can take over. It was just things like
As I've read all fantasies (even those unpleasant and that could remind us of abuse) have some healing powers.
that made me scared that maybe you might be trying to justify it as ok. Like I said logically, I understood that you probably weren't saying "That this porn is good for you or could heal you in some way". However, emotionally I was terrified of the possibility of people saying it could be healing for me. Like I said I sought out support from the kink community before coming to this site. I even had one guy claim that the combination of fear, pain and pleasure could be a really great combination. Which made me think that that might be what I might have found when you brought this up
It was revelation form me when I found more about it in this article here:
Which obviously made me really scared to open the article, because I did not want to read about how great this thing that has caused me so much pain could be for me.
Which made me a bit hesitant about this:
you are not alone
At first I felt welcomed and comforted, which was a bit healing in and of itself. But, then my emotions got the better of me and I thought wait am I getting welcomed into some place that is going to justify how this thing that has hurt me is so good for me and even how the combination of pain and pleasure can be such a great combination?
I don't know if this is making sense but like I said logically I knew that's not what you meant, but emotionally I was scared to death, because this porn is so scarring.