My partner is still relatively fresh in his confronting/healing process. The only reason I think he told me about his CSA is because I caught him repeatedly on craig's list personals and online porn. (Which he initially denied with ridiculous, transparent lies.)
As a CSA survivor myself, I understood it as a vice stemming from his abuse. With a history like that, it's easy to confuse sex/love. After months of love and support from me, it happened again. More lies. Then I found out he had cheated and lied about that. I moved out, though we continued to try to work through things. After a year of work and soul-searching, I came to the point where I could trust him again.
Then I just found out he has relapsed and lied again. (We're now at almost 2 years from the original craig's list/porn discovery.) At least this time he admitted his lies quickly. And he's back on track seeking T, help on this website, etc.
All that is to say that I'm asking myself the same questions you are. When do the lies stop? When do we stop being understanding and supportive and start being enablers?
I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like I need to keep checking up on someone. I want to be able to assume honesty and fidelity. I thought we where there again and then WHAM! Another lie.
I think I'm just commiserating, not helping.