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#421833 - 01/11/13 08:28 AM Open discussion
transcending Offline

Registered: 01/09/13
Posts: 2
Loc: New York State
I'm going through something, yet can't articulate literally what it is exactly. I will try to surrender, as much as I can, with the intent all who read these words, will offer up solutions.

I've been sober for since December 2, 2005. Within the last few months I have noticed a change, and I'm experiencing some disturbances. It seems my emotional foundation is beginning to shift (a great thing I believe). I can only image that the physical self is attempting to begin the emotional healing process. I sense also that it's time to release the fears that have haunted me for decades.

From the age of 5 until my teens, I had encountered the obsessions of others. (please note: as an individual in recovery I don't feel the need to be graphic as it may trigger someone, while they are reading post) after and while still a teenager i began to abuse self..throughout the decades and until I turned 42 my way of dealing with the pain was simply to self medicate. I used drugs, alcohol, food and sex to relieve some pain, the way an individual would take a an over the counter pain reliever, to ease their pain.

Needless to say I sabotaged most of my many wonderful opportunities, which is why I am here (NOW) surrendering.

As I begin this much needed process of healing, I sense it's best to surrender that I'm some what apprehensive. I just don't want to sabotage my 7yrs in recovery by allowing the emotional discomfort to push me out. To be honest I may have prolonged this, yet I am ready to face my fears head on, to encourage myself. I need to be strong, for Me (when in the past No One took on that responsibility).

I don't have a sponsor nor friends that I trust to share openly what exactly troubles me. I also don't feel comfortable sharing in meetings what I've shared with you all today.

There was a therapist but I let them go because they weren't helping. As much as I wanted to discuss my childhood they would begin the session asking me about the day which would side track me into taking about other topics, even when I suggested that they should develop a plan...I Just felt they were not skilled in the area of childhood sexual abuses and only was interested in securing time to charge my insurance company (a theory yet valid in my opinion).

As a result I have found my way to this site and while writing there's a comfort which has me sensing, I'm in the right(space) place.

Thanks for letting me share.

#421834 - 01/11/13 09:08 AM Re: Open discussion [Re: transcending]
nltsaved Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 933
Loc: Kc,Mo
have a lot of the same issues , have overcome most of them and i have 11 yrs sober my ear is open always .
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus

#421835 - 01/11/13 09:28 AM Re: Open discussion [Re: transcending]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Dear Trans..


I did all the same things to numb myself for most of my life. Well, not the food. But I am 16 years sober, and just starting to deal with all this CSA crap. Just trying to straighten out my life, or whats left of it.

Don't give up on therapy. There are good ones out there, some who do specialize in CSA issues. Keep posting and reading. It WILL help. Good luck.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#421836 - 01/11/13 09:34 AM Re: Open discussion [Re: transcending]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome to male survivor.

For me, Recovery is about growth as I abstain from harmful behaviors.
This creates safety and trust in myself to face my problems and not run away from them- over time I get opportunities to grow deeper and work through more challenging issues in my life.

Having men I t overly I trust to share openly with is HUGE. I learned the hard way I couldn't isolate and keep things to myself. Finding Communities of others who share my problems and have the experience strength and hope to share wih me how they are facing those problems is another HUGE part of healing and living forward .

Male Survivor is a special community- I hope you can use what is available here. It has been a bug part of my healing the past several years-
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner


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