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#419876 - 12/22/12 10:46 PM Depressed
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1588
Loc: California
In spite of all my efforts, I'm still not able to connect to anyone romantically. It's never happened. I just turned 41, and I've never been in love with someone who's been in love with me.

I feel at a total and complete loss as to make this happen. I've been single forever. And I'm terrified of dying without knowing what this "romantic love" is.

My therapist tells me that I"ll be forever looking for this experience until I have it because it is a supplant to replace the experience of total connection I never had with my parents.

Updated to add - my therapist tells me this is a natural need, that all people who experience the lack of love from their parents experience this need, and that I will forever search to fullfill this need until it is met. I was surprised to hear my therapist tell me this a few weeks ago.

Really? I'll be haunted by this forever until I experience it? And here I am, 41. No closer to my goal than when I set out to achieve it when I was 16.

I'm haunted by this. And my heart is filled with sadness and loneliness.

I hate this.


Edited by Magellan (12/23/12 12:12 AM)
Edit Reason: added a bit

#419877 - 12/22/12 11:36 PM Re: Depressed [Re: Magellan]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Loc: California
A wise man once said,.. . wait a minute.. that wise man is you.
And you said it just a few weeks ago. Magellan

Maybe your "old" way of thinking is trying to reject your "new" way of thinking? I have been told many times by therapists that, "Change always meets resistance."

Sometimes it's like reaching the mountain peak and suddenly the inner voice starts saying, "You'll never make it to the top."

With each plateau of learning and discovery on this MS journey, it seems like it takes the backside of the brain some time to catch up with the new reality. Could this be what's happening in your thoughts tonight? confused

I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

#419882 - 12/23/12 01:12 AM * [Re: Magellan]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:28 PM)

#419888 - 12/23/12 02:07 AM Re: Depressed [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1588
Loc: California

Edited by Magellan (12/23/12 05:29 PM)


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