Newest Members
UniversalBeing, Squirmish20, Cunobelin, Dean-GMoT, hunterprince
13497 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bcollin767801 (41), cant_remember (38), coltrane (42), InnocentOne (28), Robzo32 (39), Sam Wise (47), Zombie15 (26)
Who's Online
2 registered (Absto, 1 invisible), 68 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,497 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,065 Topics
489,124 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#412532 - 10/09/12 03:16 AM Victim Selection?
Jwmcd2 Offline

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 110
I know this is probably covered and beaten into the ground and broken off 100 times, but I've been having a lot of wandering thoughts and doubts today. truth is, I think one of the biggest questions I want answered anymore is a simple one: why was I chosen instead of anyone else that was available?

I know there's not a way to know a real answer, since that would require understanding the mind of a perp, but I was wondering if anyone's come to any insight through everyday life or therapy as to maybe why certain children are sought out or abused and not others.

I sort of need some support right now and it's causing me to turn hate inward on myself because I'm worried that I made myself a target of abuse.

Thanks for your time, anyone that might reply to this thread. I kind of feel bad about wasting people's time on me, but I would really appreciate some insight.

#412535 - 10/09/12 03:43 AM Re: Victim Selection? [Re: Jwmcd2]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4181
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Jw -

i think the bottom line is - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. even if you had walked down the street nude with a sign on your back that said "rape me" - it would not have been your fault! whoever the perp(s) was (were) is (are) the one(s) to blame - and probably only he (they) can answer your question.

but - availability or accessibility is probly a big factor. if there were other boys who were equal to you in that circumstance, then it may have been a matter of who was most vulnerable, most insecure, most needing attention, least likely to resist or tell, least likely to have a protector or defender. some perps even have a favorite age, type and appearance they look for.

Perps can sense who is an easy target. i had no father and craved attention - i was sheltered and naive, i was physically weak, i was shy, lacked self-confidence, had a poor self-image, and i was a loner - so i was easy to pick off.

so there may be many reasons - but the FACT you need to ACCEPT, KNOW, BELIEVE and HANG ON TO is - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

(and don't feel bad - we ALL go through this!)


Edited by traveler (10/09/12 03:59 AM)
Edit Reason: sp
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#412536 - 10/09/12 04:03 AM Re: Victim Selection? [Re: Jwmcd2]
Jwmcd2 Offline

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 110
Thanks for the feedback-- it's troubled me because my first perp was a female preschool teacher and... as far as I know, I think I was the only one she abused other than her son... it just scares me badly that she chose me. I worry other people see me as vulnerable

But thanks, I appreciate the encouragement.

#412629 - 10/09/12 08:49 PM Re: Victim Selection? [Re: Jwmcd2]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England

Pedophiles have a way of sensing our weaknesses and exploiting them for their gratification. Mine used drugs and alcohol as a lure. He had about a dozen 12-13 year old boys flocking to him to be supplied with that stuff regularly. I was the one who stayed with him when everyone else had left because I had to get higher and be the cool one to hang out with Tim alone. I was the one who got abused. Its not fair. Its not my fault. Its just is the way it happened. My T says he probably abused other boys. Pedophiles are never satisfied with just one victim. Yours probably did too.

As Traveler stated, the important take home for you is: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. I had to hear that about 500 times before I believed it. Its not your fault brother. It just isn't your fault.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.