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#474843 - 01/10/15 07:37 PM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: FormerTexan]
FormerTexan Offline
Administrator

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12058
Loc: Denver, CO
Thank you all for the kind words. smile
_________________________
Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#502126 - 09/29/16 11:21 AM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: FormerTexan]
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1253
Loc: New Mexico, USA
How did I miss this, Andy? I know you’re in such a different place in life from when you wrote this. So am I. I think this story would resonate no matter where we are in life. Thank you for putting this in your signature. I would have missed it otherwise. It’s just beautiful. Now push the box of tissues this way, would you?

Michael
_________________________
"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, nor will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#502282 - 10/03/16 04:16 PM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: FormerTexan]
FormerTexan Offline
Administrator

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12058
Loc: Denver, CO
Thank you, Michael.

<slides tissue box over>

I just looked at the date at the top. It's almost ten years old. Man, time flies.
_________________________
Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#502304 - 10/04/16 11:13 AM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: FormerTexan]
WG Offline


Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 397
Loc: WA
Are you me?

Yes, I am.
I sometimes wondered what I would look like and be like - but I didn't understand then that there would be a 'now', that I would grow up.

I know that there were times when you wondered if it would always be that way.

Yes, I did.

You had a hard life then and you deserved better - but it didn't come for a long time.

........a long time.And all of the things done to me made me feel like no one liked me. I tried to be a good boy, I really did. I did what I was told, even if it meant making me do things that didn't feel right.

Yes, I know.

.......and when I did what I was told and it was over, I was left alone and I didn't understand why he would make me do all those things to him in that room then send me away alone. I wanted so badly to tell Mom or Dad but they would be angry or really not like me or do what George said they would do.

What was it he told you?


That I would be taken away and no none could come see me. That i would be sent away to live somewhere else and no one could find me and that scared me.


I know it scared you, because I was there. I know how much it hurt and confused you and what that felt like. You were terrified. I know you remember those dreams - the faceless man coming for you, chasing you and always getting closer and finally grabbing you and pulling you down.


Yes, I was afraid and I do remember those dreams.


I'm here with you now - and I won't ever go away because this is now and we're here, you and me. You don't have to hide or try to run away - I'm here.


Would you be my hero?


Oh, my precious boy - it's my privilege to be your hero. After all, you were mine.


I wrote this about a year ago when my T and I were beginning to work on Younger Me and seeing him and getting to know him. Difficult and sad and painful as it was, it became a huge part of my recovery.
Thanks everyone for being here, both for Little Winston and Adult Winston here in Seattle.

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#502772 - 10/17/16 04:16 AM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: WG]
FormerTexan Offline
Administrator

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12058
Loc: Denver, CO
Wow, Winston. Thanks for posting this.

"I tried to be a good boy,"

I wonder how many of us this line speaks to. We wanted affirmation and assurance that we were being good boys, doing what we were supposed to be doing, only to feel like nothing or next-to-nothing was good enough. The testimony of innocence and a willingness to please, in the face of an unearned torment.
_________________________
Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#502777 - 10/17/16 08:17 AM Re: If I could meet myself as a young boy... [Re: FormerTexan]
WG Offline


Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 397
Loc: WA
.......you're very welcome........

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