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#8895 - 06/25/05 11:57 AM I'm tired
Malidin41 Offline

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
Is standing up for yourself really worth all the pain you go through to do so? Wouldn't it just be so much easier to conform instead of standing for those beliefs? Isn't the point of discussing things the key to not being misunderstood? The exhaustion that is settling within me is unbearable but I cannot stop it from coming. I am so tired of trying so hard when things seem so impossible. What's the point if impossibility is all that is present? There is so many things that I am feeling but I am so tired. So what's the point? Shutting down seems to be the perfect salvation for a dieing soul.

Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

#8897 - 06/25/05 02:37 PM Re: I'm tired
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here

Since discovering the greatness of some wonderful past American leaders, I have a certain fondness for the brilliant words of Martin Luther King, Jr. Here is a quote possibly fitting here.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

(Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963)

Rest your soul, your brain, your body. Then return to where you stand. If you did not hold such convictions, to release them would be requiring no effort on your part.

I may not believe all that you do, and I may not agree with all that is within your heart. That is not my duty, my duty is to remain true to myself, just as yours is same. So no, I am quite likely not 'where' you are, mentally or emotionally or spiritually. But I have respect for you and where you are.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#8898 - 06/25/05 05:02 PM Re: I'm tired
Sinking Offline

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Maladin - I was where you are now, so damned tired, not too long ago. I can assure you it is well worth the effort to keep up the fight. I am in such a better place than I was nearly two years ago when I wrote the following poem. I am posting it, not to bring you down more, but to let you know two things:
1) You are not alone in how you are feeling.
2) To provide you with hope that it can and will change, if you keep up the fight.

I hope your day improves, certainly, in time, your whole life will improve. Keep up the fight. Here is the poem I wrote before:

Iím so tired.
Tired of being the strong one.
Tired of conjuring strength.
Tired of helping everyone else.
Tired of always trying to do the right thing.
Tired of never feeling like I am doing the right thing.
Tired of always worrying about how everyone else feels.
Tired of hurting.
Tired of waiting for the occasional good day
Tired of living through all the other days.
Tired of learning.
Tired of keeping up the front.
Tired of fighting.
Iím so fucking tired.
Tired of hiding.
Tired of trying to reveal myself.
Tired of healing myself.
Tired of hurting myself.
Tired of hating myself.
Tired of hating them.
Tired of cleaning up this mess on my own.
Tired of being alone.
Tired of trying to like myself.
Tired of this and that and everything else.

#8899 - 06/26/05 03:45 AM Re: I'm tired
Michael Offline

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
I don't know if this makes any sense or not, but......sometimes it seems as if you just have to allow yourself to be tired and feel the exhaustion to be able to let go of it. I have felt like giving up on everything including live itself soooo many times, yet I am still here. Once you face the challenge and embrace it, everything seem sto get easier. I think the fear of facing what I kept hidden was so much more terrifying than the act itself.

Like I said, I don't know if that makes sense or not to you right now.

As for conforming: We will never be able to conform. Something happened that made us different. I am absolutely sure that there are many more people out there then society cares to admit.

From Robert Ringer's: A Turn in the Road (email received today)

Richard Bach poetically summed it up in The Bridge Across Forever when he warned, "To be handed a lot of money is to be handed a glass sword, blade-first. Best handle it very carefully, sir, very slowly while you puzzle what it's for."

I think you could paraphrase that by substituting CAS for the word money. THAT would describe this experience we have had. We learn from it what we can, then apply what we learned the best we can. Some days it is good, some not so good. I have both.

I hope this helps. Keep positive. I know I am rambling, but it is so hard to convey positive thoughts and feelings in just words. Sometimes I had to just curl up in a ball and let the grief overwhelm me just to get better. YOU WILL BE BETTER!

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

#8900 - 06/26/05 01:31 PM Re: I'm tired
Malidin41 Offline

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
Thank you all so much for your replies, Leosha that quote is amazing it really struck a cord for me and I thank you for sharing it.

Jasper50- Thank you for those words of incouragement. I know things will get better eventually. I am just really down and struggeling right now. I wish you the best my friend, thanks again.

Sinking- Your poem is amazing. I also do some writing and it is very theraputic. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. It helps to know that I am not alone and that by others going through all of this and getting better it brings me hope. You should get that published if you have not already it is truly great. You have a wonderful gift that could help the world. I wish you all the best my friend.

Michael- Your words are equally as helpful. I thank you so much for sharing your experience and words of wisdom and kindness. It helps more than you know. Thank you all so much for everything. I am still down and striving to get up but I know that I will especially with all the help I have gotten from all of you. I am so glad this board exists to give guidence and understanding. You are all truly great friends and I thank you all again for your time and efforts to help me out in my time of need. Bye for now.


Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!


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