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#8853 - 02/08/05 04:43 AM Panic about a male T
Jeff S. Offline

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 46
Loc: Northern WIsconsin
My regular therapist, who is female, is on vacation for one month. Neither one of us think it wise for me to wait a month between sessions. So, she scheduled me with another T. Turns out this is a male! Now, I see him on Thursday, but am already thinking of excuses to cancel the session.

I have NEVER felt comfortable around males. My abuser was a male authority figure, someone I was supposed to "trust." Since that time, male authority figures have made me anywhere from uncomfortable to down right panic stricken. Hell, my primary care doctor is even a woman.

How do I manage this? My regular T thought this was a good time to "push the envelope." No, it feels like tearing it wide open and dropping me in midair.

THis is going to be one hell of a long week.

#8854 - 02/08/05 04:58 AM Re: Panic about a male T
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Wow, Jeff, I am certainly not an expert and would never say "don't be afraid of that" to anyone. I have so many fears connected with my SA, and I certainly understand being afraid of males. I have already said on here that I never met a man I didn't fear. It does strike me, however, that maybe being with a male t, might be a good way to relax a little with a man, especially if you didn't have great expectations. Maybe if you just went in the first time with the idea that the two of you were simply going to get to know one another. I think, with your fear, trying to meet and to delve deeply into your SA, might be a little overwhelming. Plus, he's not going to try to be your primary t anyway. She knows you and knows him and wouldn't send you there if she didn't think it would work for you. She just doesn't want you to be without a t in case you really need someone while she's gone.

And it may be great. Maybe you'll hit it off beautifully and you will be completely comfortable after you meet him. You know he's not going to do anything knowlingly to make you uncomfortable in any way. Try not to think of him as an authority figure. From what I've seen of t's, the last thing they want to be is an authority figure. They want to be seen as a friend and a helper...someone who wants to be there for you when you need them.

Hope it all goes well. I'll be interested in how it goes for you. Be sure to let us know. There are very bright people here who, I'm sure, will have some very good advice for you. As for me, just know that I'll be thinking very positive thoughts for you all week. Bobby

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#8855 - 02/08/05 05:07 AM Re: Panic about a male T
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12276
Loc: Denver, CO
I can relate to those concerns. My first T was a male, and that turned abusive. My second was a female and it went great, relatively speaking. She is retiring in April, which I hate to see happen.

With a split decision like that, I guess the question that comes to mind is.. in which case do you feel safer, giving this male T a try, or waiting for the return of your regular one?

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#8856 - 02/08/05 03:38 PM Re: Panic about a male T
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jeff you have a great therapist by your own statements. Both of you agree that it is not wise to wait for her return from vacation.

Now she knows about you and you trust her. Would she put you in contact with someone who would abuse that trust. I do not think so.

Is it scary. Damn right it is. But as she says push the envelope. You might start of by letting him know just how scared you are and why. In that way he can tailor the sesssion better for you. One of the worst things I have found it keeping stuff in till it eats a hole in you.

Ultimately only you can make the deciscion.




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