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#8295 - 02/06/05 12:21 PM When the nightmare comes again (triggers)
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
How can I say help me? Who will hear? Who will hear my cries? When they're all in bed and I'm alone, who will know? I can't tell them. I can't tell them, "please hold me. Please hold my body so I do not spill out on the ground."

How do you tell them what it's like? How do you tell them how it hurts? How do you tell them that you're all alone...sitting in the dark...all alone with no one but yourself.

Who will come to hold you? No one knows. No one knows you sit there numb upon the floor alone.

Lost. Lost is what you felt. Lost is what you feel. Lost is who you are.

And when it hits, where do you go? What do you do? Do you run to someone crying. Will he hold you? He might if you were five. But, look at you, you're 59. Who wants to hold you now? But you need it...just as much as he did.

Where are you, my brothers, when my body aches and my eyes burn and my mind is numb and speaks only from deep within, random thoughts of agony?

I want to scream...at what? Alone. I talk to you because you will be there. I see your faces watching me. Your faces are kind, but from a distance kind. Why can't I draw you in?

But then what would we do...sit and stare? You don't know me. No one does. No one can. I sit and watch him go through life. He smiles. He laughs. He loves. He cries.....I watch from my place.

I have no feelings, really. I can't remember ever feeling sorrow. I remember fear. Fear I keep with me as a constant companion.

What is it I want? What is it I need? I could go to bed, but then it would go away. I would lose it...the agony...the search...the loneliness and have to begin again tomorrow.

Hear me, world! There is no point to life! Yet life is all I want. Love is all I need. I have no receptors for love. I have covered them all with numbness. I cannot take the feeling in. I cannot take in feelings at all. For with the good would come the bad, and I would feel his hate again. I cannot do that ever...not the hate.

He placed me in my coffin with his hate....and closed the lid, and left me there alone for all eternity.

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#8296 - 02/07/05 04:12 AM Re: When the nightmare comes again (triggers)
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Bobby
Quote:
Where are you, my brothers, when my body aches and my eyes burn and my mind is numb and speaks only from deep within, random thoughts of agony?
I don't know who wrote this, or even if I can remember it correctly, but I like the sentiment.

"Don't walk behind me, I might not lead.
Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow.
Just walk alongside of me, and be my friend."

We know the nightmares, the pain and the loneliness.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#8297 - 02/07/05 05:30 AM Re: When the nightmare comes again (triggers)
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
Boy, what you say hits a chord with me, the numbness the lonliness, the nightmares, the terror, the hate from them all that I still feel, the love that was withheld from me, afraid to let anything in because it would open me up to much again. We all know these feelings, sitting alone in the dark crying fighting to feel human, fighting to hold ourselves together, we all need someone, as the saying goes "no man is an island," but still we are forced to walk through life alone because so few people can even come close to understanding, so we must keep walking, perhaps we bow our heads, but no one sees, or perhaps just no one cares, but here, here we all know the pain, we all know the terror, we all know the pain, we all live with the hell we endured, but we have endured and we continue to endure, we continue to live, and that is enough.

We are all here for one another, sometimes we lend a hand other times we reach for a hand but we are always here. Take heart and hold your head high, you have survived hell, you have survived the devil himself.

Peace,
Scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#8298 - 02/08/05 12:38 AM Re: When the nightmare comes again (triggers)
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Hi Bobby and Dave, I did a search on
Quote:
"Don't walk in front of me; I might not follow. Don't walk behind me; I might not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
I found this page of cool sayings that says that Albert Camus was the author.
http://smiley963.tripod.com/friend1999.html

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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