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#82449 - 03/16/04 01:00 AM memories --may be triggering!!!
saxonblue Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 7
I remember 1976

I remember being scared

I remember “falling from my bike” and breaking my arm

I remember “falling from the stairs” and breaking my collarbone

I remember crying a lot

I remember the day my dad came into my room

I remember he shut the door behind him

I remember him sitting on my bed

I remember what he did

I remember he told me to shut up

I remember crying and pleading

I remember knowing that this was worse than a beating

I remember he hit me

I remember he ripped off my shorts

I remember it hurt

I remember him pushing my face down

I remember the pain

I remember him laughing

I remember him saying that at least I was good enough for it

I remember him saying happy birthday you little fuck

I remember him saying now clean yourself up

I remember him slamming the door shut

I remember he came back the next evening

I remember I didn’t wan’t it to happen again

I remember waking up in hospital

I don’t remember slipping in the shower at all

I remember coming home
I remember my dad saying I’d regret not dieing

I remember I didn’t fight him again

I remember the dreams of 7 year old Daniel

I remember dreaming of being somewhere else

I remember much more

I don’t want to remember anymore

I remember being late for school one day, late fall

I remember how every step hurt

I remember not going home that day

I remember (......)

I remember the police taking me home

I remember (......)

I remember I tried to tell

I remember the ride home was too short for me to get a word out

I remember not giving a damn anymore

I remember my dad telling the officer he would set me straight

I remember him sending me to my room, saying he’d deal with me later

I remember he did

I remember him telling me he’d break my legs if I ever tried that again

I remember I knew he would

I remember feeling alone

still......feel alone


I wish I could eat as much, as I would like to throw up....

#82450 - 03/16/04 01:41 AM Re: memories --may be triggering!!!
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907

I am so sorry that you drew that monster for a father. Is he still alive? Is he still in your life? I know that I must have frightened my daughters with my ranting and raving, but how can any man treat a young boy, a son, so terribly?
I hope that you have people in your life now, who can be there for you and demonstrate to you what real love is. Do you have a therapist to help you with some of that?
Pardon the questions, I don’t mean to come off like some kind of uncaring person who does not have your best interest at heart
Sorry that you had to go looking for a site like ours, but I’m here to welcome you to, the best at what it does best, support you in your quest for a better environment in which to live.
Peace, courage and strength,


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#82451 - 03/16/04 07:43 PM Re: memories --may be triggering!!!
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
A child shouldn't know such things.

I am so sorry that animal did those things to you. You didn't deserve it, and he deserves the fires of Hell for putting you through that.

All of us here understand what you went through. I cry for the boy, and I'm there for the man.

It wasn't your fault, brother. Never was it your fault.

Daniel, you survived, and you're the man that bastard can never be. You are such a good man, a kind man, a man capable of and desrving of such love. You deserved to be protected and I'm SO sorry you weren't.

We're here if you need us. I love you, my brother. No strings attached and nothing wanted in return.

Peace and love, and while I'm sorry for what brought you here, I'm glad you found this place.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#82452 - 03/16/04 08:52 PM Re: memories --may be triggering!!!
Brayton_dup1 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 30

After reading what you've written I wrote the following for you as well as myself:

there is a greater darkness than night makes
a father’s hand blacks out a thousand suns

a child is caught in a monster’s hard grasp
and the closet’s safe door is locked against us

look down and see all us children floating by
haunted spirits fighting hard against an endless flood



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