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#82262 - 12/30/03 11:00 PM waiting
unknownsoldier Offline

Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 105
Loc: Northwest
how long is it going to take
this time
each time I wait through it
no feelings
too much feeling
how many seconds
until he gets off

now I can't stand
to wait
I won't wait for late friends
I won't wait for a bus
I have to walk away from that feeling
of time slowed
long long seconds
of waiting for the next thing
is it over
or is it something worse

#82263 - 12/31/03 04:33 PM Re: waiting
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
We have to some degree different experiences but I think you've captured the powerlessness perfectly, certainly from my perspective you have.

I get nauseous every time I even start remembering again. I just want it all to be over.

Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

#82264 - 12/31/03 06:41 PM Re: waiting
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
Remembering is tough. I used to try to force myself, and feel a physical reaction to the effort. I learned the hard way to stop that.

Now I flat out tell my T, "I don't want to remember." She points out that somewhere inside me someone does remember. Some obscured images and sensations are coming back now, slowly, and with more fear than I think I can handle.

I don't know when it's going to end. I've met survivors who have been working for years, and I get the impression that in a sense, it never ends. We just get stronger and stronger being honest with ourselves over enough time. To see a roomful of sexual abuse survivors having fun was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, not least because I was included.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#82265 - 01/01/04 12:39 AM Re: waiting
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Really powerful poem and responses. Some of us have been in therapy for decades--we just didn't know what the real problem was. Once we make a connect of the event to the effects of the event--things begin to move along. There surely are days that are horrific now and then. But eventually we have more good days than bad, and the recalls are not quite as powerful.

I am not sure that I am over all the recalls. But if and when they come I will know how to scream for help to the appropriate people--and that includes the men here.

Much, much peace to us all.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.


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