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#81390 - 06/13/03 03:08 AM In The Mirror
Marc Offline

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
I look into the mirror,
Don't like of what I see,
It helped that I remembered,
I never have liked me.

I hide behind a smile,
with nothing much to stare,
feel used; objectified,
for little that I care.

I look into the mirror,
feel like a useless stain,
still on an endless road,
of doubt and fear and pain.

It never seems to matter,
It never seems to cease,
yet all I really want,
is just a little peace.

I look into the mirror,
I wish that I could see,
The light at end of tunnel,
The simple end of me.

Apologies if this is too disturbing...

#81391 - 06/13/03 04:34 AM Re: In The Mirror
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA

Beautiful poem.....thanks for sharing it.

The photo collage is the perfect accompaniment.

Who are all those good-looking guys? ;\)

Your poetry loving brother,

"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

#81392 - 06/13/03 04:56 AM Re: In The Mirror
Marc Offline

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Thanks dwf...

Those are just some of the guys that I've slept with.

#81393 - 06/13/03 12:33 PM Re: In The Mirror
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I really liked the poem Marc very nice

i c u r part smart s too, \:\)

I have a hard time looking in the mirror at times

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#81394 - 06/13/03 08:59 PM Re: In The Mirror
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada

The Poem. Well I can understand what you mean or meant. We have all been there in some form or another.

But it is up to us and more importantly you to write a new poem in the not too far distant future that Says words to the effect that that was then and this is now and I kinda like that face smiling back at me and what I see in the eyes. That my brother is what we and you are all about.

You have done a hell of a lot in a short time.

Keep at it Marc ok



#81395 - 06/14/03 09:04 PM Re: In The Mirror
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hello Marc,

Thank you for sharing those powerful feelings. The photos make the pain in the poem very real and very personal.

Why is it that we almost all go through a time of self hate and fail to see the strong virile men we are? We sure do not deserve to feel anything other than pride and gratitude that we are who we are and we made it through such a nightmare.

Please do not see the end of yourself. See all that you are, all your strength and courage and goodness, and all that you will yet be and experience--some good, some bad, but, all better than the lack of self-esteem, that we have a right to.

Lately, I have been trying to relate to the pain that some perpetrators have expressed, their self hate etc. I admit it is difficult. What I do know is that we were just kids and we sure did not know what to do about the power they had over us.

I see your picture of you in the military. Thank you for serving. And still, even then, you are just a young Lad serving your nation--and that means serving better than a couple hundred million of us.

When you think of yourself Marc, see the goodness in yourself. It is so easy for me to say that. I wish I could do it myself, a whole lot more than I do. We all make mistakes and we all do things we are glad our Mom and Dad don't know about etc. I think that I believe that we are good people who sometimes get side-tracked.

I work with adolescents. They are all good kids. Some seem to sail a long without much trouble. Others have a ton of things happen, some get jailed, a few get killed and a few kill. But inside them all, there is that golden reality of the really good person.

Like Mike says Marc, look forward to the day when you can write about looking in the mirror and seeing the fine man that you are, and rejoice over that.

You are a creative guy Marc. I think some of your healing will be in expressing the goodness of you and your strength. Those young men in your photo who are just "some guys I have slept with" are terrific kids. I think that a key to getting our act together is to realise that we are not adult today and there was this completely other person who was a kid or a teen who was betrayed and violated. That kid and the adult are one and that one is a most precious and loveable man.

Peace to you brother.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#457028 - 12/18/13 10:15 PM Re: In The Mirror [Re: Marc]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: š¯’Ŗ š¯’¦anada
'Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so much, I'll tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass House. First, there's the room you can see through the glass—that's just the same as our drawing room, only the things go the other way. I can see all of it when I get upon a chair—all but the bit behind the fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I could see THAT bit! I want so much to know whether they've a fire in the winter: you never CAN tell, you know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too—but that may be only pretence, just to make it look as if they had a fire. Well then, the books are something like our books, only the words go the wrong way; I know that, because I've held up one of our books to the glass, and then they hold up one in the other room.

'How would you like to live in Looking-glass House, Kitty? I wonder if they'd give you milk in there? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink—But oh, Kitty! now we come to the passage. You can just see a little PEEP of the passage in Looking-glass House, if you leave the door of our drawing-room wide open: and it's very like our passage as far as you can see, only you know it may be quite different on beyond. Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking-glass House! I'm sure it's got, oh! such beautiful things in it! Let's pretend there's a way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty. Let's pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we can get through. Why, it's turning into a sort of mist now, I declare! It'll be easy enough to get through—' She was up on the chimney-piece while she said this, though she hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass WAS beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist.

In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. 'So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: 'warmer, in fact, because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it'll be, when they see me through the glass in here, and can't get at me!'

everywhere you go, there you are,
and the mirror is there to remind you.

more mirror images to ponder and wonder.


#457033 - 12/19/13 12:03 AM Re: In The Mirror [Re: Marc]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 973
Loc: Canada
Beautifully written Marc ...
and all too easy to identify with.

I don't care for mirrors anymore ... but there was a time when I loved them.

It wasn't the vision of myself that was satisfying.
It was all those hours every day at the gym and on my mountain bike and aerobics
and low carb/high fiber/low calorie food and every male grooming product known to man ...
that is what I saw ... that 'thing' I created ...
that thing that got second glances and appreciative jealous looks on the street ...
and long yearning stares from across a crowded nightclub ...

That's what got taken home almost every time some guy wanted the reflection HE saw in my mirror.

THAT was satisfying.
THAT was my purpose in life ... to be again the object of some guy's lust.

All I was ... was what others could see.
All I was ... was a desperate child trying to be noticed ... trying to be seen ...
trying to be wanted.
All I was ... was trying NOT to be the real me.

All I was ... was the pretty wrapping paper seen in the mirror
and not the box it contained.

In the box is what you described in your poem.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

(btw ... what the hell pictures are everybody talking about?! ... lol)
Experience is a brutal teacher.


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