InjunE, you are keeping me busy. I just today have gotten to reading all your poems. Thank yoiu for letting us see them.
There is something that I have experienced in many different people and in many different situations. Here is what it is. Some people decide that they are not going to let their anger eat at them, but rather motivate them. So, in the energy of their raw rage they set out to accomplish what no one believed they ever could. And they do indeed accomplish it and so to speak, shove it up the rears of those who gave rise to all that anger.
An example I see every year. A football coach ridicules a player, doesn't use him, considers him a joke as an athlete. The boy becomes so darned angry that he works and studies plays and trains hard and the first time the coach has to send him in, he makes a spectacular play--the coach is dumbfounded--I cheer my lungs out.
You have tons of very justified anger--why not use that energy to accomplish something that seems impossible for you. Then you can, figuratively at least, rub his or their nose in it. It is sheer joy and tremendous relief.
I had a boss who told me that I was an impetuous nitwit and would never accomplish anything of value. I was so angry that I worked hard and I earned a doctorate, and had the top position in the nation in my special field. Then I had a dream one night where I was standing at the grave of the boss and held up my diploma and said" There you SOB, how many nitwits do you know who earned one of these---you didn't."
It was a delicious dream. I hope the same for you brother.
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.