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#80882 - 11/12/02 09:30 AM My Burning:
Ross Offline

Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 34
Loc: Vancouver, BC Canada
All my life my personal mottos were
a) I trust no one no one trusts me
b) It might be good to trust but it is better to check

I built a very tough shell around myself, even to my family, from my youth after the abuses up to having a wife and kids. In my heart it was ".. nothing in... nothing out.."

I was thinking about the cost of building the shell and wrote the following poem:

My Burning:

In the emptiness
of my blemished sacrafice
ashes slowly rise.

#80883 - 11/12/02 01:30 PM Re: My Burning:
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

That's cool! A lot of different spins you can put on this one!

Of course you may have one very specific thing in mind.

For most of my life I kept my real self, my true feelings, my past life, present, & future hopes, encased in a protective shell of suspicion, fear bitterness & self-hatred, built by the tools of survival from my abuse.

But it all burned within me, and sometimes the heat & light of my true self would leak out, in rage or concern, love or hate, reaching out or pushing away.

This at last left enuf cracks in the shell for therapy, support & love to leak in for the real me to work with.

Now the shell has been burned down from the inside out, and the ashes of my true self are rising up & forming into the real me in the real world.

Sometimes I still try to go back & pick up old pieces of shell, or try to create new pieces, and I start trying to enclose myself in a shell again.

But as long as I remember the emptiness inside that old shell, and all the living I sacrificed while huddling in it, I can throw down the old shell pieces and use my creative time & energy to build my life & build up those around me.

Hey Ross thanks for sharing your neat & succinct poetry! \:\)


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#479285 - 03/17/15 09:13 PM Re: My Burning: [Re: Ross]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
and from the ashes rise!
rise again and again.
the struggle will not last forever,
one cannot rest until the final fall.

".. nothing in... nothing out.."

your motto/mantra is an echo from my distant past.
how well i remember my personal philosophy of 'zero sum emotion discipline'. it was my own warped version of vulcan buddhism. i feel nothing. emotions are illusion. desire is disappointment. attachment is pain.

i was performing some crazy complicated magic mental manoeuvres to avoid my own reality.



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