This is a painful poem and a tough one to read. I don't have the answers for you.
But what your poem also says is that you are 14 and have a right to these answers. You have the right to be a kid and to be loved and protected. You have the right to need love and protection. It isn't your job to be strong and tough and all the rest of it.
I don't know if this helps, but being able to say that is already a step in the right direction. When so many of the important things in our lives are going wrong, it is easy to lose our sense of where we really are. Loneliness makes us feel unloved and unloveable, vulnerability and fear makes us lose sight of our strengths. But we can admit the one without denying the other.
Recovery is often compared to a rollercoaster. I sometimes find it more helpful to think of it as a train ride to a place where I know I want to be, but a ride that gets rough and passes through some very scary stations along the way. When the ride is very rough it is tempting to get off at one of those stations even though I know it's a bad place and not where I want to go. At such times I try to tell myself I didn't get on the train in the first place just to end in this shithole. I need to carry on, and I'm doing it for me. All for me. This is what I deserve.
Hang in there,
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)