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#80147 - 03/18/05 10:51 AM If Only You Had Loved Me
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
When you looked at me in my bed,
Did you love me?
Was there feeling?
Did you know what you would do?
Were there stirrings there you didn't understand?
Feelings that you knew were wrong?
Urges that you could not fight?

When did they come?
How old, six months, nine months?
When was the first time?
What did you feel?
Did you feel dirty?
Did you feel guilty?

Did it hurt me?
Did I cry?

Was it sexual for you?
Did you get off?
Get off on your baby?
Get off on the tiny boy?

Were there thoughts....or only urges,
Only feelings...only needs?
Don't tell me you were thinking.
Don't tell me you were in control.
Not in control.

Did they do those things to you when you were young?
Is that why?
Is that why you did it?

Did you love me?
While you were doing it, did you love me?
In spite of all of it, did you love me?
Did you ever love me?

Did you ever hold me like a baby
Close to your heart?
Or was I always just...well you know...
Was I always only that to you?

I hope you loved me sometimes.
I know sometimes we played.
And laughed.
I remember some.
I remember you sometimes.

But I will never understand
Why you did that to me
Your son
Your baby
Your little boy.

You destroyed my life, you know.

If only you had loved me.

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#80148 - 03/18/05 05:08 PM Re: If Only You Had Loved Me
Charlie Offline

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148
You write beautiful poems Bobby. I've been asking the same kinda questions since the first time it happened. If you love someone and he's your own child, a part of you, why would you want to hurt him and change who he is inside?


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