When I said “ Thy will not mine” with the full honesty of my heart, did I bring all of this on myself?
Did God understand that I meant to be His true servant and put me in this place to do his work? Is my anger about the circumstances of my life just rebellion against the deal I made with God?

Whatever! I don’t know what is going on. I am tired of being in pain and want to do some good. It is getting late. I’d like to do my work for God, get it done, and move on. That “Thy will not mine” clause is a real pain in the butt.