(Part of this was pasted from F&F-at least read the last paragraph here)
I feel like I just realized a great truth about Why Only God is Allowed to Judge.
I look back and see that I was not approachable enough for my husband to confide in me the ugly parts of his life. I realize now that I was overly judgmental of people and I'm ashamed of it now because I'm also a Christian, but that's not the way a Christian really ought to be. I realize now that my judgment on people may have caused him to feel even more shame and self-hate (even though none of it was his fault but he hasn't come to learning this yet). And I certainly had no inkling that anything I was ever prejudiced (does that mean to "pre-judge"?) about could hurt *him* b/c I did not know he had all this shame inside him...
I realize that my own parents were very judgmental and sheltered me from the "real" world. So it was all I knew.
So I can see how me being this unapproachable contributed to him looking elsewhere for comfort or acceptance. I feel very sad about my role in this, but also very happy that today I am a different person since I have discovered this truth about myself in therapy - just realized it on Friday, actually, and I told him I was sorry I sat on a throne and that I'm a different person now and don't judge, because I don't know people's personal circumstances. I said this to him with tears in my eyes, and he just stayed quiet and seemed to accept my apology. He said nothing, so I didn't get any verbal feedback I had hoped for, but he gave me a long hug and a few more later on during the rest of the day as if to let me know he understood.
So I think taking a good look in the mirror is very helpful, especially if we hope to help someone else do the same or at least help them face what happened to them.
They say for the wife to seek therapy even if they can't get their husband to, and I used to think ,"What use would that be, he's the one that needs to fix things," but really, I know now that me being in therapy first can help ME grow also in necessary ways in order for me to be there for him. It's just neat how that happened. I think so much of this is God's hand - His timing - b/c if I had to deal with this before learning about it, I would have freaked out and left him, and if I had to deal w/ it without me getting into therapy first, I would have still been judgmental. So see, God's laying out a framework so that he can get the help and love he needs and has always needed.
My motto lately is "Better late than never." People aren't made to be perfect. Only God is. Only God can judge. Only He knows everyone's personal circumstances. That is why He is the only one allowed to judge, because the Bible says He knows peoples' hearts. This knowledge alone convinces me that He is a God of mercy and compassion.
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.