I have been away from the board for a while, but earlier this week I realized I needed to come to this forum.
Both female and male abusers are in my past. My wife of nearly 14 years was unfaithful for much of that time, and we divorced this past winter. I'm still seeing my T, and I'm starting to wean off my ADs now.
When I first found this site (summer of 2002), I "hid" my browsing. I lurked here and on Usenet. When I first bought a book related to sexual abuse of boys, I paid cash for Mic Hunter's "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse" rather than risk the use of any id such as a credit card or member's discount card.
I haven't been around as much because I haven't been in the kind of pain that first brought me here. I've been living. The life I thought I would "save," the partner I thought I had, the dreams of living a "normal life" are all gone. I heard time and again that some relationships do not survive a survivor's recovery. So be it.
My life today is damn good. I did not realize how good it could be when first I began to admit to myself what they had done to the child. When I broke my silence to my now ex-wife, I thought the world was ending. I didn't know it at the time, but something more akin to Hell was ending.
It certainly took its time ending, and it took a lot of effort by my Ts and myself and much support from many good people, especially the folks I met here. I don't know how to express the simple joy of recognizing that old fears are gone, that triggers don't have to trigger them.
It does get better.
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse