I was by all accounts a happy child. I had decent parents & my dad is still with me at age 89. Everything changed one day when I was 10. I was invited to a 15 year olds "club house" and there I was raped at gunpoint. After the incident I was threatened and so I never revealed my molestation to anyone. All this happened 53 years ago and was during at time when incidents like this were almost never reported and if so were quietly delt with or conveniently swept under the rug. It was a "dirty little secret" that nobody wanted to hear, much less beleive. This only happened once but was well more than enough to forever change my life in a totally different direction. The boy happened to be the son of a prominant Baptist minister and his family had "clout" in my little one horse town.

I did learn later this boy as well as other kids, mostly teens of 12 to 15 were molested by a male teacher at our junior high school covering grades 7 to 10. This man was eventually quietly fired when it was discovered what he was. No charges were ever filed against this man but his name was whispered for decades since then. I am very sure looking back that my molestor and his molestor had many contacts in our small neighborhood and in the school district. I say this because of then subtile hints I remember but did not "connect the dots" till years later.

My life went on but I was very much damaged. In later life I became very distrustful of people and distant. And to this date dislike and fear teenagers and to some extent children in general. I have no interest in sex of any kind and am not attracted to anything period. I am I guess you would call it an asexual being. I've lived a good life, trying never to be a bother or get in any persons way. I value my peace and quiet.

15 months ago I suffered a fairly major cerebelluar CVA (stroke). I have recovered but not fully. I must use a cane and also have some vertigo and occasionally double vision + owing alot of money.

With this stroke came some memory problems. To this day there are certain events, places and things I don't remember. I only know this through other people bringing up certain events and people. Like I do not nor will I ever remember the shuttle that burned up on re-entry. I remember the one that blew up shortly after launch tho. I do remember still in vivid detail my molestation and all events pertaining to it. It's just too bad those memories didn't go like wiping a hard drive slick.

Well 5 decades have passed and I've pretty much accepted my molestation and come to terms with it. I hate the teen who raped me and the teacher who molested him. Both are dead and I can't say I'm sorry. The teacher commited suicide and my molestor was killed in a freak hunting accident, how ironic.

I now live pretty much a "normal" life. I'm a hermit, a recluse to some extent. My sexual interest and identity has been erased. I fear teens and children and distrust and to some extent dislike people in general.

I can't say much good has come out of my molestation. But as far as my stroke is concerned I havent had a cigarette in 15 months. I quit cold turkey the day I was hospitalized. I do miss not having a drink now and then but I quit 2 years before the stroke. I was never a "drinker" but did like an occasional martini, a glass of nice wine or a shot of rye slowly sipped. I can't drink now anyway, too many meds.

My religious life changed dramatically tho. Once I hit 21 I never set foot in a church for about 40 years. Some years ago I converted to Judaism. I do beleive I was headed to being a "yid" well before my molestation but that's another story for another time.

Well that's my story for what it's worth. I wish it never happened. I am glad the persons responsible for this are dead and hope for some form of justice later.

"Sound an alarm your silver trumpets sound and call the brave and only the brave around...who listeth, follow, to the fields again. Justice, with courage, is a thousand men" Handel "Judah Maccabaeus"