I have logged onto this site a few times and it has helped me to see i'm not the only guy who has been abused.My Abuse started when i was 7yrs well thats as far as i can remember.My father was an alchoic and very sadistic .He Would lock me in the under stairs closet and i would hear him fighting and beating my mother,i still hear her screems.He would come into my bedroom on occasions he would tell me this is our secret,know one needs to know!
He would then proceed to tie up my hands and sexually abuse me/make me suck him till i gaged.If i refused he would tie my feet and legs and beat me with a cane or his leather belt.
When i was 16 my mother said she had a special presant for my birthday.That night she came into my room opened her night gown and told me she loved me and made me touch her,she then had sex with me.My mind is so confussed with the meaning of love and sex that it has affected my relationships and my presant marrige.This year i have had 3 affairs but my wife stands by me!Earlyer this year i tryed to take my life and i was admitted to hospital ,then comitted for my own safety.After i told my story to the social workers and DR's i was admitted to a sexual trauma unit in New Orleans which has turned my life round and they are my angels!.I see a therapist weekly and she helps me talk openly.I am still confussed on subject's and have flash backs which i can control.I am scared still there are lots of triggers out there.Thankyou for reading my story any advise would be grateful \:\(

I must destroy my demons before my angels fly once again