THis is very difficult to write, but I have talked it through with my T and he thinks it may be a good idea.
This shit started when I was perhaps three years old. My family and I were on a camping trip. One of my brothers and I wandered to another campsite where we met Rick and his wife. (I am not changing his name, he does not deserve anonimity). My parents came to get us, and they met Rick and his wife. We all became fast friends.
THey lived only about 25 miles from Mountain Home, the town I was raised in. They came and visited us not long after we met, and we came to really enjoy each others company.
I came to view Rick as a second father. He was also like a best friend. He did not judge me, never yelled at me when I was bad, and he would buy me ice cream. (I am a sucker for ice cream). The summer I turned 6, Rick and his wife took each of us kids for a week. I have three older brothers, and I was the second to get to go to Rick's. I felt special, because I was the youngest, I had to wait until my brothers did things first.
Now, I need to bring up a few items to establish a bit of history. Rick liked to skinny dip, which I thought was cool. I loved to swim, and could only imagine the freedom of not having a suit to dry after you were done swimming.
One day at my house, he came in the bathroom while I was washing my hands. He locked the door. He just calmly talked to me as he took a piss. Being the youngest of four boys, I did not think anything of it. But, he began to stroke his dick as he talked to me. I thought it was just the way a grown-up finished peeing. THen I saw "white pee" come out of his penis. I asked why he had white pee, and he said something to the effect that he would explain it to me later.
Okay, so I go tto stay with my buddy for a week! I was SO excited. While we drove to Glenns Ferry, where he lived, he told me in the daytime it would be just us guys, because his wife had to work. I thought that hanging out with him would be the coolest thing I had ever done.
We got to his house after nine pm, and his wife was already in bed. We were watching television, and Rick asked if I wanted a banana. I said sure, so he asked me to go into the kitchen and get a couple for us.
When I brought them back, he had unzipped his pants and had his penis out on his lap. He waved it at me as I gave him his banana, and it touched my arm. He laughed, and I did, thnking this was some adults joke I would understand when I weas older.
The next day we walked around Glenns Ferry, talking and just having a good time. That night, as I took my bath he came in to piss. He talked to me as he pissed, and when he was done he walked to the tub with his dick still out of his pants.
He knelt down and said he was going to wash my back, which was strange, people in my house didn't wash each others' backs, except for my parents, but that is neither here nor there. As he washed my back, I could see his dick getting longer and beginning to stand up. He ran his hand down my back and rubbed his hand on my ass for a while, and then went back to the toilet and made the "white pee" come out again. I felt uncomfortable, bu the put his dick away and began joking and tickling me, making me laugh. I began to feel more at ease, thinking he must have just been making sure I was getting clean enough.
The next day, I do not have a memory of, so nothing important happened. My next memory comes on Thursday. Rick and I were heading over to a stream to swim. His wife stayed home to wash dishes and get ready for work the next day.
I remember the sun was just getting ready to set as we got to the stream. We walked past where we usually swam, and walked a trail to where the trees were thick. We had to walk over a branch to cross to the opposite side, in a closed off small clearing. No one would bother us there, he told me.
I stripped down to my underwear and asked Rick for my swimsuit, and he said we were going to skinny dip, that's why we walked so far away fro m the usual swimming hole. Rick took off all of his clothes, as I kicked at the water, still wearing my underwear.
Rick said before we swam, we were going to play a special game. He called me over to him. I stood in front of him. He put his hands in my underwear, one hand gripping my butt, one on my penis. He began to rub me, and I was suprised at the good feelings his hands brought. He then pulled my underwear down and said he loved me. I told him I loved him to, and he kissed me on the lips.
THen, he got down on his knees and put my dick in his mouth. He began sucking on me, as I stood there, confused at what he was doing. Part of me enjoyed it, part of me got really scared. He then stood up and said if I loved him I would do the same to him.
"BUt, your pee-pee is too big," I said as he stood in front of me, stroking himself.
"Just lick it, please." he told me. Now, before I left home, my parents told me I had to do what Rick told me to. ANd being only six, I thought adults would always look out for me, and would never do anything to hurt me.
I licked him, and he coerced me into putting his dick into my mouth. I remember gagging, and hime running his hands through my hair. He moaned as he forced my head back and forth. I thought his dick was going to make me throw up, but he would not listen. He kept telling me what a good boy I was and how much he loved me.
After what seemed like an eternity, he let go pf my head and I stood up and backed up a few steps. His breathing was heavy as he once again stroked his dick and made the "white pee" come out. He asked if I wanted to taste it, and I said gross. But he told me I had to lick off the "white pee" off of his dick. I did as I was told, and I was grossed by the taste.
He looked behind him and a horse was standing at the fenceline at the back of the clearing. He said, "I fucking hate horses," and chased the horse off.
I was confused, he was a cowboy, after all. WHy would he hate horses.
"Why did you chase the horse away?" I asked as he walked toward me.
"Because he might bring people and ruin our special time. Now go play in the water."
I put my underwear back on and started to walk into the water.
"Damn it, Casey. Take off your fucking underwear or you'll get them wet!" he snapped at me.
I was shocked, he never yelled at me. He put his arm around me and said he didn't want his wife to get mad at me for getting my inderwear wet.
He then pulled off my underwear again, and rubbed my butt again. This time, he spread my butt cheeks and ran his fingers over my anus. He started to slowly open my hole, and pushed a finger inside me.
I was scared when I felt his finger go inside me. It hurt. He said he was going to stick his dick in my butthole.
I began crying hysterically, saying "I want my mommy!) over and over. Rick threw his clothes back on, and hugged me and comforted me.
"I was just kidding," he said. "I would never do anything to hurt you. I love you, you are my special friend. Want to get an ice cream cone? You have to stop crying."
I dried my eyes, and we began to walk back towards town. "You can never tell anyone what you did. If you tell, your parents would get really mad and make you go live with someone else. Your brothers would hate you. No one would ever talk to you. WHat you did was just between us. You made me do those things, so I won't tell and get you in trouble. But you can't tell anyone, okay?" he said.
My family would send me away? I must have done something terrible. I must be terrible. I was dirty.
I do not remember the rest of the weekend, only remember as we drove back to my house. He helped me take my suitcase to my room. "Remember, you can't tell anyone what you did. They would hate you and send you away."
"I will never tell," I promised. I kept my word for almost fourteen years.

"You live it or lie it" Metallica