Hmmm... how do I start? I tried this before, and I wanted to edit abit. Well, I am not going to edit, btu more expand it.
I think that I would like to say yes I was molested. Someone sinned against God and me, but many more people loved me far more. I dont want to say this a boast, or to belittle what happened, but as to say that as bad as it was for me, I am ok. That phrase took me nearly 14 years to honestly mean. I am ok, and I think that I will be ok.
When I was molested, I felt the shame of the world. The shame was internal, it wasn't shame from the secret, it was shame from the feelings, for what I was. I would like the world to know that I was ashamed because I was broken, because I was not right. So if there are those out there who justife their own selfish desires, know that you are wrong.
I felt horrible about myself, and feared the workd that couldn't protect me. I hid within myself having my own pain as my comfort. I hid this way, away from others, until someone crashed into mylife. She showed me that I was not alone and that I was worth loving. I was 16 at the time, and stabilty is not the norm for teens. She was taken away from an abusive situation that was killing her. However, I was dieing then to. I felt so betrayed. I felt betrayed that someone had the ability to save me, but then leave me. So, I concluded that this was not going to happen to me all mylife. I took a bottle of pills hopeing to kill myself. I woke up the next morning with just a serious head ache. Along with this I was also dealing with a struggle of sexuality. My first experience was with a man, my first thoughts of sex were of my abuse, and random unimportant comments by important people caused a false belief system. I thought that I was gay. This caused a huge conflict in me between my morals and fmaily belief system and my own beliefs. The tension because to much for me to handle.
But I still woke up the next morning. THere is a plan for my life. There, somewhere in the universe, is a need that I am going to fill, and what a beutiful feeling that is. My life after that time changed dramticly. I broke down the walls and beganto crawl out. I went to college and began to find the help that I needed. Began to heal my wounds.
I am not perfect, but I am ok. I am a valued person, I am a loved child, I am important to someone somewhere. People find value in me, but more important I find value in me. I am not perfect though. I still have bad days, and I still struggle in areas that GOd is still healing, but I know that I am ok, and that it will be ok.
This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.