My name is scott, i am from the south burbs of Chicago, Illinois

When I was about 7 or 8 I remember beginning to "play" around with my friend down the street. We would just “play” innocently without even thinking anything was wrong. This continued until I was about 14 or 15 and a sophomore in high school. At this time my brother drove me to Wendy’s for lunch. He asked me if anyone had ever “touched” me. I immediately thought of my past, wondering if my past had something to do with someone touching me. I replied with no and asked why…he said that a man down the street Roy, a husband of one of my mom’s friends, had been molesting his two boys. He was caught when his wife walked in on them. Roy had frequently babysat me when my parents were in troubled times.

A few weeks had gone by until I remembered two things, me seeing Roy walking by to his bathroom and taking a shower, and him calling my name. I proceeded to the bathroom, and that is all that I remember of the first scene. The second thing that I remember is that I wend upstairs to their bedroom after being called again. I firmly believe that there is a reason for the things that I did with my friend down the street. There is no way that one of us could have come up with the things we did. Again they were basic but not something that I had to have been taught.

By now I am 16 and just went into a bout of depression (and am currently trying to recover). I told my mother on a warm September day and that was the last I had talked to my parents about it. She made an appointment to visit a shrink but when I went he asked me questions that I lied to and nothing came of the visit. I can’t trust anyone except for my best friend, I don’t even talk to my parents, I cringe when someone tries to hug me, It takes a lot to say “I love you” to everyone. I have never been in a serious relationship, and don’t even know what I would do with one. I feel worthless, paranoid, scared, and angry. I am trying to get up the nerve to try and talk to someone, and also trying to ask my best friend to come with me and help me there.