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#7462 - 02/02/05 12:28 AM Being a victim
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I've played the role of the victim since I was 12 years old. I'm not saying we aren't victims, because we certainly are. However I think I've been using this as a coping mechinism to write off problems that may be ligitmately mine and not have to do with the SA.

I know its going to be a long journey, and at times the road will be rough, barely passible even. But I now know it is something I have to do, or else I will be miserable for the rest of my life.

I don't know how I will do this but I hope with your support and the support of a therapist I can make this work.

It may be hard but there is no use blaming my problems on the abuse whether they are from it or not. I just have to work on fixing them the best way I know how.

Don't really know why I wrote this, just know that I had to do it.


"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#7463 - 02/02/05 05:08 AM Re: Being a victim
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Good, I get to be first on this one. I always have this idea of what to write, and then I read the post before mine and that makes more sense than what I was going to say, and so I don't want to say what I was going to say anymore.

In my opinion, Jason, no one blames their problems on their abuse. They were abused and that abuse CAUSED some serious problems. It created a certain way of living and of coping and of looking at the world not had by people who have not been abused. One of the most difficult parts of SA is having those problems and not understanding why. Being able to place the blame is one of the most important parts of understanding what was done to you, how you have been coping, and how you are going to heal. Give yourself permission to have compassion for someone who was mistreated and severely damaged at an early Then, pick yourself up and with all of that understanding, and not being hard on yourself, and encouraging yourself every step of the way, start to change and start to heal all of that hurt. You will get better. BLAME your perpetrator, and give yourself credit for being around and being willing to do the hard work it will take to heal. There. I've said it and I'm glad. Keep fighting, Jason, we're all with you. Bobby

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#7464 - 02/02/05 06:17 AM Re: Being a victim
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Well! I'm only 2nd in line on this one. But, Jason I'm totally with your line of thinking. I think that there is a tendancy for some of us to blame all our problems on SA. The fact is: most people, regardless of whether they were abused or not, have problems. I think it's fair to say that SA may compound the problems an individual would encounter anyway, but the SA is not the only reason for them, and yes, we do have to start working on solving our problems regardless of their causation. However, having said all that, I think that SA may be unique in that it is something that by its nature impedes us from problems solving. SA has been something that has historically been swept under the rug, kept hidden and only spoken of in whispers. There has been an element of shame and blame attached to it. As long as the victim feels shame and blame, it will be difficult to solve problems that are sourced from the SA. Peace, Andrew

there is no courage without anxiety

#7465 - 02/03/05 04:37 PM Re: Being a victim
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
It seem to me, the people who blame their failures on abuse, the people who use it as 'excuse' for their behaviors, are people who are searching for such excuses anyway. I had a past friend, everthing, he is victim. He can not take responsibility for the affects of his actions on others. He is someone who will look for excuses for any error or failure he make. If he lose money in the soda machine, it is because he is gay, and there is discrimnation.

There are people who have been victims of bad things. And there are people who keep themself victim of anything wrong in life. What I know of you Jason, I do not think that you.



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