My partner and I went to see A.I. a few days after a major trigger event that I wasn't quite completely over. We just wanted to take a break and see something "wholesome." After the big trigger, we were somewhat separated and I was kind of catatonic and non responsive. I barely spoke to him during the few days afterwards. Then we saw A.I.
I sat through the movie completely numb, my eyes staring unblinkingly at the screen. By the time it ended, we went to the car and he looked over at me and asked how I liked it. I didn't say anything. I was completely shut down.
On our way home, he reached over and put his hand on my leg 'cause I was just staring out the window. I started to cry so hard that I was practically screaming. I felt like I was going to have a breakdown or something. I really hate it when some of the pain comes out so fast.
I think it did me a lot of good. It was a pressure relief. It was a good kind of release. It was me getting in touch with something that I wanted very much and didn't receive as a child. It was me missing a nurturing, etc. It was the old hurt from being neglected and left in my room and abused.
But it *wasn't* the horrible feelings of being triggered. It was a real feeling. When I feel triggered, nothing feels real. It all takes on a surrealistic haze and I get really scared and frightened and feel like shutting down. A.I. helped me to feel real again, even though it was painful.
Thanks for listening,