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#73351 - 06/12/05 08:52 AM did being abused make me gay?
puppy Offline

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 129
Loc: earth
i like to think that you are born one way another. and that i have always been gay, and would be regardless of the abuse. but some days i doubt that. sometimes i think in some weird subconscious way, being abused made me like men. is that totally ridiculous?


#73352 - 06/12/05 12:45 PM Re: did being abused make me gay?
RockyMtJoe Offline

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado

A common thought, question and feeling but
one that I think is never really looked at.

It is a personal issue but folks just debate and discuss the issue.

I look at it differently, fate, karma who knows
maybe someday in the future but we do not know and who cares?

But my words are simple I think CSA can
make one very "ungay" in all ways.

Rocky in the mountains

#73353 - 06/13/05 12:03 AM Re: did being abused make me gay?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Puppy -

I have a long response so will talk with you over a PM.


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#73354 - 06/13/05 03:55 AM Re: did being abused make me gay?
Rustam Offline

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
Hi Puppy,

Itís a question a lot of abused gay men ask; I donít think itís a ridiculous question at all. For myself I believe the abuse had a big affect on my sexuality but I donít think it is the cause of my gayness. It causes confusion and problems around sexuality and makes having any kind of relationships difficult. Since coming to the site and reading about the sexual identity confusion that many of the men here experience, I have had to think about it too and have asked myself the same question.


#73355 - 06/13/05 08:01 PM Re: did being abused make me gay?
chuck Offline

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic

For me the sexual abuse by my father did not make me gay but confused me for many years. It was only after 2.5 years of therapy that I finally reached a conculsion. Abuse of male on male would probably not make someone gay but turn them away from gay sex. However after many years of struggling with my identity as a gay man I am at peace with being gay. Doesn't mean that all my abuse issues are resoloved, because my body and mind have been confused. This is one of many issues I have to learn to accept.


#73356 - 06/14/05 04:52 AM Re: did being abused make me gay?
conor Offline

Registered: 11/01/04
Posts: 10
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hi puppy,

I can only tell you about my experience with the dreaded question "Was I made a gay?"...

I was totally and utterly convinced that my SA had made me gay. I'm as straight acting as they come right (yes I am gay). I didnt get it. Why was I interested in guys? I didnt understand. I was confused. I thought it was a phase (a very long phase at that). I then thought I was just acting out.

I dont remember my turning point but I do remember relising that before my SA I was a happy and camp child. I used to sing and dance and act. The IT happened and I changed. This was just before I started secondary school (aged 12) and you know schools. I turned into an intrevert. Kept to my self. I was a bit wierd so I was picked on and bullied (the works, physical, mental, etc). Still afraid of some of those guys today.

So my SA had its toll on me, along with other crap. But for me it was looking back before IT happened and lookin at me, Conor, and what kind of child he was. Now I know I was gay all along, and that makes me so frickin happy!

Thats all from me.

#73358 - 06/15/05 06:23 AM Re: did being abused make me gay?
RockyMtJoe Offline

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado

My cousin, my famiy makes me a Welshman. Now American.

My Gaelic is terrible but my heart is from Wales.

I can still sing Welsh songs but hardly write or speak much after fifty plus years.



But I also sing Irish, even when not drunk.

Pray that you are safe and warm my new friend: …ire Shaor Joe ib=n Colorado.


Would love to have Andy and you here in Colorado.

#73360 - 06/15/05 09:14 PM Re: did being abused make me gay?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I am not gay so I can't comment on that specifically, but I bet a lot of guys would recognizen how I felt going through puberty and teenagerhood as an abused kid. I was already headed deep into denial by about 16-17, but I do remember that every physical change, new emotion, or new urge I went through I attributed to what had happened to me. Everything that was going wrong, or seemed to be going wrong, made me think - it's because of that. It's all so untrue, I know, but in those days there was no one you could talk to about such things.

So my guess, Puppy, is that what you are feeling is what any abused guy your age, gay or straight, would feel: anxieties about how abuse will or has affected your sexuality. If you were not gay the fears and apprehensions would just be about other things.


Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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