I was diagnosed with PTSD too. I always remembered what happened but I had convinced myself of two very opposing viewpoints: one, that I was the only one that this ever happened to and it was all my fault; two, that this happened to every boy and no one ever talked about it. I would get angry for no apparent reason, I was moody, I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but I made it far enough in life to start taking care of those issues.
The first therapist lent me "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. I couldn't put it down. I put a dustcover from a mystery novel I had been reading and I read it everywhere. I felt that it had been written for me, about me. I didn't feel alone. I highly reccommend it and you can buy it through the website.
I went to a retreat put on by Mike Lew after my first year in therapy. I was so afraid. Everyone would know. Everyone in that room had been through something, that's why they were there. I felt a kinship, a fellowship, a brotherhood. Something that I'd never felt before. The MS NOMSV retreats are a different format but they are very good too. They are starting up again and I know that they've helped me get to where I am now.
I feel better about myself now that I have in all of my memory. I want the same for all of the guys here on this site.
Take good care of yourself,
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)