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#73137 - 03/21/05 10:42 PM CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Jonno Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 2
Loc: New York, NY
Hey, this site is amazing. I am a 30 year old gay male survivor and have been working on this stuff for roughly the last 3 years. What amazes me is that I totally repressed everything and even had a semblance of a fucked up relationship with my dad/perp. It is like I have entered into a whole new reality and left my family behind. I have had no familial support, just denial and in the case of my two sisters outright attack. Luckily I have a cool circle of friends, a good shrink, and no contact with my family. It has been really sad and really hard but what else is there to do.


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#73138 - 03/22/05 01:08 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
Hi Jonno,

Welcome to the site, yes it is amazing and a great resource. My abuse happened in my family also and I have been more or less ostracised since I brought it up. That was pretty painful but I have made my own family with my partner and friends, which is a lot healthier than the one I was brought up in. It is really difficult to let go of them but as you say what else is there to do.

Rustam.


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#73139 - 03/22/05 02:48 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Jonno Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 2
Loc: New York, NY
Thanks for your swift reply. I catually did not realize that people would be able to post replies and that there could be this forum! From reading other people's posting I see to that it is possible to chat somewhere -- later for that. This is going to a be a huge tool in remaining grounded. I find that it is so easy for me to slip into the fantastical thinking that I lived in for years, to sort of haze out. I am glad you have made a new family for yourself. Sometimes when I hang out with my buddies, or they come over for dinner I have this feeling that this is what I have always been looking for which makes me happy. I have to say, getting this far has been quite hellacious. I truly am lucky to be alive. New York is a good place to destroy yourself and an even better to place to rebuild. I miss my sisters and somehow feel that once they are more independant -- post uni or something -- they will come around. Thanks again -- J.


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#73140 - 04/11/05 07:13 PM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
Hi, I am here for the first time. My perpetrators were numerous. Beginning with both of my parents until the courts took me away from them and put me in a Children's Home (orphange) were because of nightmares was moved much too soon to the older boys dorm. In the Children's Home I was a target as I was withdrawn, extremely shy, small in physical strength, and had no friends. I was raped 28 times in that awful place and no one did anything. When I finally told at the age of 17 still nothing was done but the attacks stoped. I feel so damaged and isolated. There is no kind of support in the small rural town that I now live in. My therapist told me about Mike Lew's book and Mike is the one that suggested I try to find a kind of support in here if I could bring myself to allow that. I am alone. I had a relationship 28 years ago, but have been unable and perhaps unwilling to try again. Now, it might be too late for me. I am going to Mike Lew's retreat in August here in PA. Maybe I won't be too afraid to speak to an actual person who knows how I feel. Thanks for your time.
Ric

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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#73141 - 04/11/05 11:25 PM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Mark R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 28
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA
Welcome, this is a great place to grow and heal.
The process to heal is long, but worth the effort.

Mark

_________________________
In others we find strength to face our monster, in helping others we can become the giant that defeats the monsters.

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#73142 - 04/12/05 01:19 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
Welcome Ric, sorry to hear that you have been through so much. Glad you found the site itís a great place to feel less alone with this.

Rustam.


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#73143 - 04/12/05 07:07 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
Mark & Rustam,
Thank you for your inclusive and kind words. Bear with me as I try to navigate this site and find my way. I am trepedatious and gaurded not to say the least. My instruction has been that I find men that "know" from whence I speak. I have supressed it all so long, that now talking about it makes me feel dirty again. I have always navigated my life feeling that people could see the damage done to me. Now, I can not see anything but damage and hence my out reach to a good therapt. In "dialectal behavioral therapy" doesn't that just scare the heck out of you? I am afraid and tentative, but willing to make this journey toward healing. I hope I have found such a site that may assist in allowing that to happen.

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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#73144 - 04/13/05 03:25 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Ric,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. I'm glad you found this place, though it is sad to know how much you have had to suffer in finding your way.

Please feel free to post as little or as much as you need to. There is not 'right' or 'wrong' way to recover here. We are all here to help and support each other.

As a gay man and a member of the Moderator team I find it particularly heartening when other men who have been abused finally find a spot, as I did, where they find others who understand. It was a wonderful feeling for me, just a few years ago. I hope that you will find that relief and healing here also.

If you have any questions or subjects for discussion or just want to say hi, please feel free to private message me or any of the Mod team.

We're glad you're here and I look forward to getting to know you better, on your own schedule and as it feels comfortable for you.

Welcome.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#73145 - 04/14/05 12:14 AM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Welcome,Ric. So sorry about everything that has happened to you, but always willing to listen. Talking helps so much. Glad you found us. Everyone here understands...and cares. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#73146 - 04/14/05 07:06 PM Re: CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
Danny & Bobby,
Thanks for the welcome. I am trying to learn to navigate the site and settle in. I hope I can get it all out. I want someone to hear my whole story. The SA the beatings the blood and adolescent violence. There is so much agony inside still. But thanks for extending a welcome.
Danny,
I may have to take you up on that offer for PM when I get confused about what to do and where to go from here. Thanks!

Ric

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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