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#73133 - 03/04/05 07:42 PM Glad for gay friends
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
No matter how tolerant or sympathetic my male friends are, the hetero ones just have some limitations on what they can listen to or talk about.

It's understandable and I see nothing wrong with it.

So it's good for me to have gay friends that I can talk, laugh and joke with who do understand and don't get grossed out by gay sex or things like that.

For a long time it was hard for me to have gay male friends, because I tended to treat all men as potential sex partners.

I see now that as one of the effects of the sexual abuse. That was how i thought I needed to relate to other men.

As I've continued my work on recovering from the sexual abuse, I find myself with lots of friends, male and female, gay and straight.

I enjoy them all. Still, there are times when it's just good to engage in a little bit of chit-chat with another gay guy--we seem to be able to find humor in some odd places and I like that.

A lot of the humor revolves around the weird stereotypes that people have of gays. That ability to laugh about the prejudice and to rejoice in being different is a part of my life as a gay man that I find most enjoyable.

I was in a gay bowling league a few years back, and the names the teams came up with were not to be believed!

Anyway, I was just thinking today how much I enjoy having gay friends. Hope everyone has one or two at least in their life.


"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

#73134 - 03/07/05 08:25 PM Re: Glad for gay friends
conor Offline

Registered: 11/01/04
Posts: 10
Loc: Dublin, Ireland

I completely agree with you. In the past 3 months I have 'come out', slowly but surely. I made some gay friends and as a result I have really explored what its like to be gay. I visited my first gay bar not too long ago and had an excellent night. I would not have done this without my 'gay' friend tony. I'm slowly coming around to the fact that it is 'OK TO BE GAY'. I have learned alot about myself and I am beginning to realise I'm a pretty strong person. I have no problems telling people I'm gay anymore (although I havn't done it sober yet, hehe!). I do find it difficult talking about it with my family as they are the ones who know about my SA. But I hope to work on that.

Also I cannot finish without mentioning my gay friends from MS. Thanks for being here guys.

Lots of Love,


#73135 - 03/18/05 10:32 PM Re: Glad for gay friends
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis

You are only a month and 2 days older than I. You list men along with tulips as being among your interests. I like that.

It sounds like you have healthy relationships with both gay and straight people and like you have a wide or widening circle of friends.

Compared to my experience, however, I might as well be living light years away, I feel like such an alien.

I am truly glad for you but have to admit, in all honesty, that what you have written is the sort of thing that triggers all sorts of anger for me.

That's nothing against you and please don't take it as that.

It's a wonder that I keep coming back to this forum. Though it is a rare thing, each time I feel uncomfortable (which includes threatened and unwelcome).

This has nothing to do with the forum specifically, I suppose, and I think that, perhaps, that is why I do keep coming back here from time to time.
I hope to realize something new about myself, some sea-change underway in reference to my (gay) identity.

You've actually helped me to see in some detail what it is that triggers it for me.

I was badly treated by men, gay and straight alike. I am uncomfortable in their company, either one. I don't trust a single one of them for each wear the same face for me.

Gay men are perhaps the worst for me for I know that we carry that great weight (prejudice) in common and yet I might as well be of some other orientation, neither one thing or the other, for all the help I get from that.

Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

#73136 - 05/14/05 12:31 AM Re: Glad for gay friends
sophiesdad Offline

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida

There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"


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