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#73097 - 02/07/05 12:55 AM question for you
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
are there any guys out there who are like me in that they don't like the bars - the pressure to drink and watch dance music videos and just hang out for hours and hours -

i dunno - i mean i like having a male friend - i really want to get married - in boston or even canada or the netherlands - and build a life with someone - because i know i can take care of myself but to be with someone would be tops -

but the whole bar scene though it facilitates the meetings just doesn't do it for me - mostly -

your thoughts?

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#73098 - 02/07/05 01:41 AM Re: question for you
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
I agree with you Mark. I have spoken much about this issue both with friends, colleagues as well as my therapist.

What they all tell me is pretty much the same, get out and do something, take a class, go to the gym, be aware while at the grocery store, join a group, post an ad online on a gay personals site.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that some guys have it and some don't. I mean, it seems that some guys have all the luck and no problems meeting potential dates.

It is the same way with straight guys, some of them can just pickup dates or attract women with no problem while others sort of watch it all go by.

I was listening to NPR on the way to the airport this evening and the topic was finding love and the subject trying to find love was a woman who changed sex to a man and is attracted to men only to find that he doesn't get an opportunity for a second date once the guy finds out the real him.

Sorry I don't have much positive to tell you Mark because if you read the personals you'll see it's all about the look and getting a home run right away.

If you or someone else has figured out the answer, I wish they'd post it!

Jimmer


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#73099 - 02/07/05 04:05 AM Re: question for you
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks Jim

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#73100 - 02/07/05 06:20 AM Re: question for you
yesac76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
Well, I'm pretty sure I am not gay, but I hate the bar scene. It is all so phony. Just a bunch of hormone crazed assholes trying to get laid, without a thought about getting to know a person. It is nauseating!

Casey

_________________________
"You live it or lie it" Metallica

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#73101 - 02/07/05 06:27 AM Re: question for you
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Casey,

I'm really glad you are not gay, because you know, if you were, you'd have to deal with some more nauseating issues, not just sexual abuse, eh?

Hey and if you were gay, then you'd have to worry about what everyone else thought about you and you'd certainly be secretive around your mom and dad to be sure that they didn't beat the shit out of you.

What a deal, eh? Great to be straight!

Jim


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#73102 - 02/08/05 01:18 AM Re: question for you
brokentoys Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 149
Loc: So. California
Well I don't know Jim, I tried to be as straight as an arrow growing up, but there was always a reason to get the shit beat out of me on a daily basis. Sorry the grass is only greener because of the level of manure....
Broken

_________________________
It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top.

Arnold Bennet

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#73103 - 02/09/05 12:30 AM Re: question for you
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Mark,

I share your hopes too. I just want to have a normal life with the guy that I love. I found someone to love and he loves me. We'd both like it to be 'approved' but that's not possible in the present political environment. We're living our life together, to hell with what anyone else thinks.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#73104 - 02/14/05 07:16 PM Re: question for you
lilacman22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1
Hi Guys, I expect that the Gay bars where you live are as crap as the ones in the UK.
I drink beer, but in my local pub. The friendship I have with the guys is just that, and it's foolish to think of anything else happening. If you go into a local often enough, you get to know people. Just be you.... and folks will communicate. Were good at it us Humans. I shared my experiences with a stranger last month, turns out he is a survivor too.
One in ten - UB40
There's an expression here, ere's my hand ere's my heart.
Gregg in Lancashire


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#73105 - 02/14/05 07:37 PM Re: question for you
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
I agree with you, Mark.

Gay bars in the past have acted as 'incidental' rallying points for advancing acceptance and equality for gays, but their real purpose is to sell liquor....and lots of it.

The idea of going into a dark smoky place where I can barely see, with the music so loud that you can't hear the person next to you and imagining that was where I was going to find the love of my life would be laughable if it weren't so sad.

Many years I spent doing that very thing. I was looking for Mr. Right, but in all the wrong places.

Guys who wanted a one night stand became men that I imagined a life time romance with. I was in the shower picking out china patterns, while they were sidling out the motel door.....it left me hurt and confused and contributed to my alcoholism which is a huge problem for gay men.

It obviously works for some people, I suppose. But for guys like us who have been sexually exploited I would say it's a bit too much like playing with matches while sitting on top of the powder keg.

Maybe a good thread would be alternatives to the bar scene?

IMHO bars suck....straight and gay.

Thanks,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#73106 - 02/15/05 11:50 PM Re: question for you
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thank guys -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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