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#72930 - 10/01/05 10:07 PM Re: it takes yet another form
gnidgnod Offline

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 14
Loc: Rhode Island
Originally posted by Brayton:
My chosen family includes my Partner, his son, his son's wife, their child.

Plans were to have Thanksgiving at son and son's wife home.

Attending would have been partner, son, son's wife, their child, son's wife's sister, her husband, their child. Also, son's wife's parents and son's mother and her husband.

Son's wife's father told his wife to call their daughter last night and tell her that if my partner and I were going to be their, he would not.

Everyone is upset except him.

Immediately, I thought this is just the same old thing, what I have been confronted with practically from day one.

I suppose I like that he is more or less upfront in his bigotry (he did make his wife make the call, after all). It is better than those who feel the same but hide it.

I think he thought his stance would supply the necessary leverage to have my partner and I dis-invited.

What will actually happen is that his decision, no matter what specifically comes of it, will cast a pall over every other family oriented holiday for as long as his lives and even after I suppose. This will include even his grandchild's birthday parties.

People can change, of course. His bigotry is so rooted in his christian belief, however, that I think it is unlikely.

#72931 - 10/01/05 10:20 PM Re: it takes yet another form
gnidgnod Offline

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 14
Loc: Rhode Island
brayton (sorry about quoting the whole thing above) Whoever invited you&partner to dinner, should ignore the 'I'm not coming if...' kind of response from the old man. Just repeating the invitation to him would have been both kind and clear. Then he could have decided to show up or not, but either way it isn't your fault.

I also agree that this kind of indirection on his part (because he didn't have the guts to tell anybody how he was feeling, himself!) is good indication of a dysfunctional kind of relating.

The Thanksgiving story I love telling is about my mother's cousin Warren. While he lived, his wife made a real career out of trying to make nice to all the people Warren offended, because he believed in all sorts of looney things (like the Zionist Occupation Government in Washington DC...the international conspiracy of Communists and Bankers...the total evil of the World Bank) and never hesitated to talk this insanity to anybody who would listen.

At Thanksgiving dinner in rural Illinois one year, just as the pumpkin pie was being served, Warren leaned back in his chair and asked my Dad, apropos of nothing: "So Adam, are there many homosexuals in Washington?"

I have my Dad's first name...and what I thought, but did not say then, was: "Oh, there used to be, Warren, but then I moved out here."

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