ok this may seem a bit heady - but this is the place we have all been sharing things like this-

sorry if this is unwanted or if it is just something that for me - in knowing it now - is helping me to understand who i am - so
here it is - if you care to read or not - thanks for reading up to this point so far.

ok here goes:
i realize through the post of 'inner slut' we are all - whether we like it or not - communicating who we are - so that post for example - took the example clothing as a form of communication and personal choice in terms of how we wanted or want to say 'this is who i am' - to a certain extent -

call it your image -

in my case the public image in my family was perverted to a "beneficence' in public to
sadistic- to a great degree in private-

as if to say - my perps- we have different rules for ouselves than we have for others-

evil yes -

as you know i was the family scape goat -

but what i want to express in the healing from this outrageously sick cult - that i am in the process of now forming my own image

where there was really non before -

and in doing so - i am questioning the nature of the thing and how much energy i am putting into it - trying to take care of myself first ---

and also being aware of people getting the treatment - the rules - of fairness and consideration in the light of all we are
communicating back and for to each other -phew!

it's tough - and i am glad i am at home and takin' a nap in a few secs-

i choose humanity over pure image -

and the image we choose can put us into difficult
relations to ourselves if it is too taxing or draconian - we in the choice of our image - can hurt ourselves too- hopefully though there will be warning signs that will alert you that there is too much bullshit in the air - to make human
sense at that juncture -:-) sorry i am tired -

talk to you guys later -


"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous