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#72525 - 07/15/04 12:06 AM I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Today, I did something that was both wonderful ad scary.

I met a person who's become a close friend (I had asome free time this afternoon, and so did he). One thing lead to another and, long story short, we had sex.

Actually, it felt more like making love, because he cared about me. He knows I'm a survivor, and he kept asking all the time if I was okay with it. He did things when i asked him to, and he didn't push anything on me. The best thing about it was that he held me. He held me when I asked him to, and I felt safe with him. It was a very strange thing. After all the abuse, after all the sexuality-confusion, I enjoyed being with him, having sex with him, MAKING LOVE with him.

If NOTHING more than this happens between us, if we go back to just being friends, I'll NEVER regret this, because he taught me something. He taught me that it's okay to have sex, it's okay to CHOOSE to be intimate, and it's okay to be loved.

It's weird, but it was okay. I felt okay with it.

And if I never have sex with anyone ever again, I will always enjoy this, this moment, because I know, and feel, now that all sex doesn't have to be cheap and tawdry, that it doesn't have to be just to feel alive or to feel someone with you. It can be to just love and be loved, to share yourself with someone who cares about you, and yes, maybe even loves you. i honestly don't know what "love" is. I thought I've been in love many times, but this is as close to being "in love" I've felt when having sex.

It's wonderful. Mostly because it was a person who cared about ME, and that I could CHOOSE to do so.

It feels great to be alive and cared for.

Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#72527 - 07/15/04 04:37 AM Re: I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
yesac76 Offline

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
I am happy for you. I hope you can establish a loving relationship with him!

"You live it or lie it" Metallica

#72528 - 07/15/04 05:45 AM Re: I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
blueelectron9 Offline

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
I'm very happy for you, Scot. I'm learning how to experience loving sex and am finding that I am looking forward to having those intimate times over the "porn star" sex that I thought I needed to perform in order for my partner to like me. Turns out that the loving sex is way better than the fantasy sex and in a much deeper way.

I wish you the best on your jouney.

Peace, bro,

An odd duck who likes even numbers.

#72529 - 07/15/04 12:47 PM Re: I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
David1010 Offline

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
I'm very happy for you. Nothing better than having sex with a person who cares.

Casual sex is so different, impersonal and egotistic.

#72530 - 07/21/04 08:10 PM Re: I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
Doppelganger1 Offline

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 37
Loc: Miami, FL
Hi Scot,
Sex is so much better when there is trust and real affection. And to me, cuddling is even better than the act itself!


"Tough times never last. Tough people do."

Darryl Kile

#72531 - 07/22/04 03:01 PM Re: I chose to make love (MAY TRIGGER!)
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
It is great that you had this experience. With a friend who you trust, it makes a world of differance. And it is nice to experience the good side of sex in our life as well.

In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!


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