I have been working with my T over the past number of weeks trying to get an idea of what it's like to feel and to understand my feelings. She is working from a book for Borderline Personality Disorder and has given me many assignments on Love, Joy, Anger, Sadness, and Fear.
Each assignment lists words associated with the feeling and has sentences that describe what could cause one to have the feeling, what the feeling is like, etc. I have found it to be tremendously helpful. I felt anger after doing my anger exercise and journaled about how angry I was with my mother and father. Since then in my next T session, I expressed just how much anger I have bundled up inside of me. My partner says that I misdirect it a lot, and I would agree (e.g., road rage, etc.).
It is astonishing how I catch myself dissociating whenever I start to have a feeling and when I allow myself to really feel what I'm feeling, I feel more empowered and in control.
I like being in control.
Thanks for listening,
An odd duck who likes even numbers.