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#72441 - 06/07/04 02:59 AM New to the board
David1010 Offline

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Hello everyone. I am new to this group and right now I feel I need some help and support. At the moment I find myself in a difficult situation.

I'd like to talk about my story, but now I think it'll be better if I share what's going on right now.

I am in this horrible relationship, and I feel very isolated from the rest of my world, not only because of the relationship, but also because I am in fact away from "home" (whatever that means, anyway). All my support system right now is gone. I moved to this place and gave up my apartment in part because I wanted to be with my bf, but in part because I couldn't find a job where I was living. I landed this job that is very stressful, pays very little and has nothing to do with my career.

Right now every aspect of my life just sucks. I want my life and my peace of mind back!!! My job sucks, my relationship sucks, I feel very isolated, depressed, and have no one to turn to. Right now I'm not going to any therapy, support group, counseling, nothing.

I need help.

#72442 - 06/07/04 06:48 AM Re: New to the board
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
It sounds like it is time to say to your bf: "this relationship is not working. Please do not try to contact me in any way." Then move.

Have you tried a job search on the www? You may be able to find something that is better in at least some aspects.

Could you return to your hometown and seek employment where you can get by until you can make a career move?

Not having a support system makes for too much stress. There must be some clubs there you could join, self-help goups etc.

Welcome to the board. You will find men here listen and care.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#72443 - 06/07/04 08:42 AM Re: New to the board
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hello David,

...and welcome to MaleSurvivor! I don't know how you found us but I'm very glad that you did and that you had the courage to post here.

Like is the case for so many of us, we try everything in the book to manage the unmanageable
and then everything turns to shit and makes us look at a new direction. So I'm sorry that you're hurting but I'm glad that you're feeling your feelings strongly enough to realize that change is the only way out!

For now, you've found a wonderful support group right here. Nothing you share is going to surprise or frighten us away. We have no answers to give you but we do have the resolve to sit with you until you find your own answers and take action on them.

So perhaps step one is to unpack and stay a while. Begin learning from the others here how they did it and are doing it. Focus, for now, on taking the most exquisite care of your "self" and no one else. Do for your self what you would do for a dear friend who came to you saying the very things that you're going to share with us.

So from a fellow Pennsylvanian, congratulations on having taken the first step and welcome from your "Band of Brothers"!


#72444 - 06/07/04 10:26 AM Re: New to the board
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

I wish you didn't need to come looking for us, but I'm glad that you were able to get here.

Sounds to me like you have too many sucky things going on all at once. Maybe you can pick one of them on which to concentrate some improvement effort. Talk to your bf (how happy is he?), look at the job market in your true field (hiring is better now than it has been in years in a lot of fields), maybe find some kind of social outlet related to some activity you enjoy?

I hope you will be feel the kind of support here that I do. This is a wonderful place to work on healing, but beyond that, these are some of the greatest people to know just for themselves. Stick around, get to know them a little, and I'm sure you'll agree.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken�"�The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#72445 - 06/07/04 02:33 PM Re: New to the board
David1010 Offline

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Thank you very much for your input. Feels really good to communicate with people that can understand.

First about my bf, Boo Boo. I mentioned that right now our relationship is horrible. Boo Boo is not a horrible person at all. Hes a very kind, loving man. We love each other, and I have no reason to distrust his feelings for me. The issue lies in all the drama going on with each of us individually. A year ago Boo Boo found out he is HIV+. A month after that, he lost his job of 13 years that was very well paid and convenient. Then one month after that, his best friend from high school suddenly died of a heart attack. Two months after that his father had a heart attack. So he is going through very rough times, and he is now battling depression caused by all these things.

I want to be there for him the best I can, but then theres my own drama. I have a lot of issues regarding career, money and work. I think thats the part of my life in which my real abuse issues show up. Right now I feel that I dont know exactly where to draw the line that divides being there for him and neglecting myself.

We went to couples counseling but it didnt work out for us (that story is an entire different post). It was actually a bad experience for me. I think because of what we both are going through, we are having a lot of intimacy problems. Last night when I posted I just had a fight with him after having a great day together for gay pride. I feel bad because I want things to be fine, but they are not.

I also want to say that I didnt really want to move in with him. I cant say that I was forced to move in, but things just happened too fast. My apartment management company was giving me a lot of problems at the same time my lease was up. I didnt want to renew the lease because I wanted to leave that town, which is not my hometown, and I dont have any ties or attachment to it (Its a bad neighborhood and quality of life is really low). At the same time I found a job in Boo Boos town, and I felt I should take it as I was out of work for almost a year.

Anyway, Ill keep dumping/sharing more as I get to know you guys better. I feel very happy to find this site.

#72446 - 06/07/04 09:42 PM Re: New to the board
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, David, it's David.

Well, as the story goes, we're happy that you found us, but sorry for the reasons that you had to go looking for a place like this.
You do sound as though you are in a dilemma; what to do for your boy friend, and what to do for yourself. It might boil down to what you may have to do for yourself, before you will be able to do anything for your boy friend. That may be another way of saying, break it down into parts.
Ive got some family in PA and if its like most cosmopolitan areas, there must be areas of varying opportunities. Good luck with that. If you need to find a therapist, we might be able to help.
In the meantime, know that youve found some pretty terrific folks who will listen, offer some suggestion when they can and be here when you need the support to get through some of this.
You add to our brotherhood and we look forward to your contribution here as a supporter of those seeking a haven in this world of abuse and pain.
Welcome, David, make yourself at home, were glad youre here!!

Peace, courage and strength,


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot


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