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#72412 - 05/17/04 01:20 PM Did he make me "Bi" or "gay"? (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Did my abuser make me attracted to men?

It's a damn foolish question, but one that I feel needs to be asked, particularly today in Massachusetts. Because there are small-minded people who are attacking gay families because they're afraid of the "confusion" such families can cause.

To believe "yes," one has to accept as facts the preposition that someone can make another person gay. Some feel that gay people are out to "seduce" or "enlist" new recruits to the lifestyle.

But my abuser wasn't gay. He was an abuser.

Sure, he may have felt a sexual relationship was possible between a grown man and an 11-year-old boy. Maybe. But the relationship got so Goddamn abusive so fast.

I can't remove the sexual component from it, but it wasn't love. It was NEVER love. It was power and control and just plain putting someone's selfish needs above a weaker person's.

I should HATE gays and gay sex, but I don't. Some feel I should BLAME gays for what happened to me, but I don't.

My abuser was a rapist. He didn't make me anything except miserable.

I don't know what I am, but he only made it harder to figure out. The one thing he CANNOT do is make me do anything against my will anymore.

So abuse doesn't change who you are. And I'm glad for that.

Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#72414 - 05/17/04 04:10 PM Re: Did he make me "Bi" or "gay"? (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Scot, Marc is right. It is something that you are born with; a predisposition towards the same sex.

So that asshole did not turn you gay.

But what is most important to all of us is that we feel comfortable with who we are. It has been my opinion for a long time that anyone who has a vitriolic hatred for something that they define as not normal have, in fact, some hidden part of themeselves that terrifies them. Look at how the cantholics and protestants in Norther Ireland have been going at it for years and years. Are they different. Not at all. The only thing that separates them is the religion they were born into and over which they had not control.

Another thing to remember is that everyone fears the unknown. I guess that is why we all here have such a damned difficult time moving down the road to inner peace and control over our lives.



#72415 - 05/17/04 04:29 PM Re: Did he make me "Bi" or "gay"? (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
hdan Offline

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 43
Loc: Texas
I also find it strange how people think being gay is a you just woke up one morning and decided to be gay. I do not believe that it's like that. It has always frustrated me.

As the others have said, be comfortable with who you are and not what other people think you should be. The other people should attend to their own shortcomings and keep to themselves.

#72416 - 05/17/04 04:30 PM Re: Did he make me "Bi" or "gay"? (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
A quote that was stated to me when I asked someone that very same question was "being abused by a woman makes you no more straight than being abused by a man makes you gay"

In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

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