Hello men,

I was raped six weeks ago and I have been trying to recover from it ever since.

So far I have either attempted or thought about suicide twice now. Once was about 3 weeks ago. I was thinking about my inability to stop what happened and that I deserved to get raped. I was planning on slitting my throat with a kitchen knife and not leaving as note or calling anyone. I was able to talk myself out of it.
The second experience of suicidal ideation was this past weekend. I was planning on buying a gun for defense. I thought that if I had one, I might sleep better. I haven't been able to sleep wel for the past 6 weeks. If that didn't work, I was going to use it on myself. At least I would be at peace instead of what I am going though now. T old myself that I should go to the gym to work out and if I still felt the same way, I would buy a gun. Well, I did my weight training and no longer wanted to by a gun.

My suicidal thoughts occur primarily on Saturday or Sunday mornings. I am not sure why.

Before I go to bed at night I tell myself that I am going to sleep well and nothing bad will happen. That strategy has not worked at all. My nights are haunted by flashbacks and nightmares every single time.

I will be seeing a therapist once every two weeks.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do about this?

Tim

Tim,

I'm sorry this happened to you. No wonder you feel so self-destructive, since it happened such a short time ago. It's not your fault, and I hope you know that.

Tim, I can kind of relate to what you're going through, even though my childhood abuse happened twenty-odd years ago, and my adult rape happened two. The thing is that I blocked it out and when the memories came back, well, it was like it happened yesterday. All of it, since the childhood stuff occurred over months.

I've thought about suicide so many damn times, Tim, you have no idea. I went so far as to attempt it pretty seriously. Now, obviously, I didn't go through it, and I have no other magic words to give you than to say that it will pass.

It's pretty easy to say, and I cussed out the counselor on the phone when he told me this, but it's become my mantra. Suicide is such a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Keep that in mind, my brother. That, and if you give in, the rapist wins. You have the power to take back from them. Don't give up that chance.

Peace and love,

Scot

You are lucky to be in Milwaukee.

Call the Counseling Center of Milwaukee--414-271-2565 OR 414-271-4610

Bill Hanle leads a group once a week and it is FREE. This is a therapy group, not a self-help or 12 step meeting.

There is at times a list of men waiting to join. But Bill will be able to help you.

Bob

Tim: Suicide. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It will keep us quiet forever and that is what every damned perp wants. And we cannot ever let them win..

Suicide. Tim I tried it three times and the one time that I thought I would actually be sucessful I never wanted to live more than right then. It is not the road to take.

He Bob's advice. And join us. Yes it will be rough but it is worth it. I am so proud that you are doing something about it so soon. I was raped at 16-17 and did nothing until I was 56. What a god damned waste of a life.

Hello Scot,

Thank you for the support. I am sorry to hear about your experiences as well.

I don't feel safe sleeping at night. I only feel safe sleeping during the day.

I live alone, so that probably doesn't help either.

I live in terror every night starting at 10:00(that is the time when the rape incident began) and it lasts into the early morning hours.
Friday nights are especially hard as the night most of the time ends with suicidal ideation/ attempt the next morning.

This weekend is coming up and I am trying to figure out what to do in order to remain safe from myself. Going to the gym when I am feeling suicidal may or may not work every time.

Tim