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#72134 - 12/16/03 09:49 PM Re: less support
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

I understand you. I'm struggling with sexuality and, frankly, I've never been comfortable with any community that picks something so insignificant (or it damn well should be!) as sexuality. I know that's not very PC, but why should we broadcast who we choose to love unless it's very obvious (like when you're out for a romantic evening with a date or your spouse)? On the other hand? Why should we have to hide who we are? Once again, X-Men 2 said it best, through Mystique, when she was asked why she didn't hide her obvious mutancy: "we shoudln't have to."

My own take on the whole lack of support from the gay male community (and this, too, may be un-PC) is the same hang-up straight men have: we don't get raped. We don't get abused. We are afraid that such experiences "make" us gay and "make" us victimize others.

Which, by the way, is utter b******t!

There's also an inherent thing that gay males who do have underage (not necessarily children) sex partners are afraid of being labelled as sex offenders (which they technically and legally are, but I digress). This is the type of mentality that makes NAMBLA still acceptable in some gay circles.

This, too, is utter b******t!

Ah, I wish it were so easy to say, "okay, we'll all accept, support, and comfort rape/sexual abuse survivors now!" Sadly, it isn't. It's enough, I hope, that we know what we've done and can find friends, partners, spouses, who accept us, help us, and love us.

Isn't that what we all aim for, gay or straight?

Peace and love, my brothers. Thanks for letting me ramble.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#72135 - 12/17/03 06:21 PM Re: less support
Brayton Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
I know that because of the CSA or rather its effects, I was not able to integrate (for want of a better word) with the gay "community."

Stonewall happened when I was a teenager. It is ironic how closely our "community's" sexual liberation coincided with what would normally be my sexual maturity.

Because of the CSA, however, I was not able to be sexual with other boys or men. And I did not have the self confidence necessary to set myself on another path.

Instead, I struggled with chronic depression and became an alcoholic.

The CSA perps and the physical and emotional abuse perps took a great deal from me.

Now, after all these years, even if I find some sort of recovery from the CSA, I will never recover time and become the sort of member of that "community" that I might have envisioned as a young man.

I will always be different in the world, I think, finding little commonality in the world except in places like MaleSurvivor.

This is more of a community for me than the gay "community" was or will be and this community is, I believe, made up mostly of straight men. They have more understanding of me than gay men who, although they may have experienced CSA themselves, are not dealing with it in a context like this.


Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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