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#72110 - 11/26/03 05:54 AM what do you think
broken1 Offline

Registered: 11/20/03
Posts: 36
Loc: tx
Ok I have been to several help sites and talked to prevent and to several people that have told me (some in a round about way) to find a 18 guy to fullfill the desires that i have boys thereby removing the desire for boys. Could it work? and I have had it explained that it would be like a ped who actually did it then felt bad about it and turned himself in. I have also had it put that as long as i have had thoese desires that if not acted on in some form that it would take longer to get over? Any ideas? I have always been against homosexuality but If it got rid of or even lessened the desire for boys then i would be the happiest homofaggot (humor attempt) in houston. What are you'r thoughts on this I mean would it be fair to look for someone so young? Ill be checking dennis

#72111 - 11/26/03 03:28 PM Re: what do you think
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Unless you are in your early 20's, finding an 18 year old "partner" to test out homosexuality, is kind of like switching from Jack Daniels' to wine coolers for the purpose of sobering up.

While the 18 age factor makes the hook-up "legal", my guess is that the fantasies you are having would still keep the experience more of a kid thing than a peer/gay experience.

You have several issues going on. Keeping with the alcohol analogy here, your first goal is about understanding what is going on with you that makes these fantasies so powerful. In other words, if you're trying to quit drinking (or get it under control so that it doesn't affect you or others negatively), you won't accomplish that by changing the kind of alcohol. Your issues about sexual attractions have deeper roots in your abuse and getting your needs met than in what form of sexual expression you take to get those needs met.

That's a complicated sentence right there. If you go to the list of articles on the website and find the one called "Breaking the Cycle of Self-defeating Behaviors", it will explain that better.


Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#72112 - 11/27/03 01:39 AM Re: what do you think
broken1 Offline

Registered: 11/20/03
Posts: 36
Loc: tx
Ken thanks for replying I realy do listen to what you say, and i am trying hard. I don't understand a lot of things about this and i realy don't know anything about the gay lifestye, or any life for that matter, but today I used the thought of a young adult to block a boy i saw, I don't no right from wrong on the homo deal any more but it worked, and what is more a mystery to me is that it does not revolve around sex. the farthest i have taken my thought of a young adult is a long kiss. My thoughts on them are dinner a long walk and a kiss, sex isn't in there at all and the pop up of the boy did not get through. I don't remember a time when i have ever thought about being with anyone whitout sex being the major theme. Ken that realy did and still does make me feel good. I fell like god is rebooting my hard drive, I don't fell i could be happy in a homosexual realationship, but i am becomming verry courious. What am i ? I have no desire for women and the thought of being with an older man realy sucks. Ken I have been alone so long as for as sex, intimancy, touching, being held I just want to be loved in that way so bad, and i don't know how. I know that am verry vaurnable right now because if i have the chance to be with an 18yr old I will jump at it. I miss the touch wt gave me when i was 16, the heat, the holding. I know you say take a deepo breath and be paitent but has anyone here been without that kind of companionship for TWENTY TWO YEARS???? ken i am so eager to move in that direction, or any direction that will take me away from the boys. I do know2 one thing and that is that I will be so happy when i start to work the first cause i am gonna be a regular supporter here, I fell like through god you guys are saving me and giving me a chance at having a life. thankyou so much dennis.


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